Dear Doctor,
I was in a long, abusive relationship and I got out of it when I met a man who was exactly the opposite of what I was married to. This man is amazing and I would follow him to the ends of the earth. I am so hopelessly in love with him that I don’t want to do anything that would damage our relationship. It scares me to death that I might be smothering him by being around him all of the time but it scares me even more to let him go off by himself.
I know that it is not good for me to plan my whole life around him but this man is everything I ever wanted in a man. Even more, he is what any woman would want in a man and I am afraid some other woman will see in him what I see and try to take him away. He seems to worry that he is not good enough for me and tells me that I could have any man I want but he is the only one I am interested in.
How can I let him know this without hanging around him and driving him crazy?
/s/ Hopeless and Helpless
Dear Hopeless,
Take up sewing, learn a language or do anything that will give him a little bit of time away from you. Make sure he knows that you do not count on him to amuse you and keep you entertained all of the time.
The biggest pressure situation that a male usually faces from a woman is when she tries to make him a part of everything she does. It is a simple fact that the things that amuse a woman rarely hold the same attraction for a man. If you do find something, like sailing or fishing, that both of you like to do then enjoy it as much as you can without overdoing it.
Give him a little bit of space. He can never miss you if you are never gone.
