Dear Doctor Love,
I have been watching this girl I know for several years. I always thought that someday when the time is right, I would make a move on her or at least, we would get together somehow. Right now she is between steady boyfriends so I think it is probably time to get it done.
My only hesitation is her past record. One of the things I have heard her say many times is that she cannot stand a man who orders her around and tells her what to do. She says that, but every boyfriend she has had that I know (four of them) are all but one, typical macho guys who treated her like dirt. At least one of them was a physical abuser. Her last boyfriend is the first one she has had who was not your basic kind of street thug. The funny thing about it is that she stays with them as long as they are that way. As soon as they change into something better she leaves them. And they do change, too. I don’t know if it is because they just get more mature or if it is something she does but after she has been with them awhile they start to treat her with a lot more respect. That’s when she finds an excuse to break up with them.
I am not an abuser. I like a woman who is at least my equal and I don’t mind letting her know that she is. As a matter of fact, now that I’ve written this out and looked at it, maybe she won’t even date me because I am not macho enough for her. I can come on real macho and let her try to change me or I can just present myself for what I am and see if she will be satisfied with that. What should I do?
/s/ Hesitating
Dear Hesitating,
Why not look for someone else? It seems that her main interest is the challenge of trying to tame these guys. This is especially true if she drops them as soon as they do change. It seems that someone like you would not be much of a challenge for her.
Her behavior is closely related to her male counterpart. This is the guy who is only interested in pursuing women. Surely, you know some of these guys. They will go for a woman and do everything they can to woo her. When they finally do win her over, the contest (and that’s what it is) is over for them. The only thing left to do is drop her.
If, knowing all of this, you still decide to go for her, then by all means, be yourself. Don’t try the macho guy posture. It would only make you feel stupid.
