Dear Doctor Love,
I need to find a way to stop relying on my boyfriend to make me happy. I know that I need to find something within myself to be satisfied about and content with but I just feel like I am only whole when I am with him. I wanted this relationship to be a complement to my life; not to be my life.
It seems like this happens to me every time I get into a new relationship. It starts out great but then I become so clingy and dependent that the guy can’t stand it and eventually he finds a way out. This really sucks. I know that I have a certain amount of appeal to the opposite sex because I have been through a lot of relationships. Then it turns the way this one is going. I can’t stand feeling the way I do right now. I am having a huge anxiety attack that I feel like would go away if I only heard from him.
I know that I need to stop giving him so much power over me. The peculiar thing is that he doesn’t even know he has this kind of hold on me. I have done everything I can to hide it from him because I really care for him and I don’t want to scare him off like I have done with others that I didn’t even care so much about. When he left this morning, he casually said that he would see me tonight and I have been obsessing about him ever since then. I know I should not be so anxious. I just don’t know how to stop. Please give me some suggestions.
/s/ Losing My Grip
Dear Losing,
No one can make you unhappy; unless you allow them to. No one can make you happy. Period. Only you have the ability to make yourself happy.
Another person in your life is something that can add to your happiness or detract from it. If they add to your happiness, you should enjoy them for their company while they are there, realizing that they could be gone at any time. It is realistic to think that your loved one could be run over by a cement truck on the way to work. It is highly unlikely, though. Anything can happen but you should only try to control what is controllable. This leaves you controlling only yourself.
Immerse yourself in things that you like to do. Try to make yourself as happy as you can by yourself. When you can do this, then you can start to consider a long-term relationship. If you can’t do this, you will only make yourself miserable.
