Dear Doctor Love,
It hurts me so much to see my daughter throwing her life away on some useless piece of garbage. She has a boyfriend that does not work and she spends her days at a low end job just to support him. When she finishes work she goes to another job while he lies around and watches TV or goes out drinking with his friends. I tried to get her to go to college after she got out of high school but ever since she got mixed up with this guy it is like she is not thinking straight. She has a lovely little baby that she hardly ever gets to see because she is holding down two jobs. This has been going on for two years now and every time I try to talk to her about it we end up arguing.
Last week, I finally saw something different. She didn’t come out and say she was tired of the situation, but she said she wished her boyfriend would help out with the expenses. That is the first thing she has said about him that wasn’t about how wonderful he is. I feel like this is my chance and I want to talk to her without arguing. How do I go about it?
/s/ Hurting Mother
Dear Mother,
Since talking to her hasn’t worked so far, why not try a different approach? Write her a letter. A letter has some advantages over a conversation. You can organize your thoughts and present them to her without interruption or argument. Also, seeing something written makes it more memorable than a conversation, especially a disagreeable conversation.
In your letter, explain your hopes and dreams for her and your grandchild and remind her that these are years of youth that she will never get back. Most of all, make sure you tell her that no matter what her decision, she is still your daughter and that you love her. Maternal love, when the child is certain of it, is often much more powerful than a youthful infatuation.
