Wolfe’s Woofer: Paying the Rent

Sunday, December 18th, 2016

Maria called Marvin a few choice names until he came stumbling out to sit with me on the porch. He held his head with his hands.
Maria said, “Tell Mr. Dennis what you done.”
“Mr. Dennis, I’m in big trouble. I got drunk last night and spent all the rent money. I called you because I was hoping you could help me out.”
“Marvin, I’m stone broke,” I said. “I can’t help you.”
“Oh no! Maria, what I’m gonna do? That landlord going to want his money.”
“Don’t ask me,” Maria said. “You the one got drunk.”
“Maria, please don’t get mad with me for this,” Marvin said, “but I got an idea.”
“What?”
“You think maybe you could be real nice to him? If you spend some time with him maybe we could trade you for the rent.”
“That wouldn’t be right,” she said.
“Maybe not,” Marvin said, “but you’re a good-looking woman. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and you already told me you think he’s a handsome man.”
“Leave me be and I’ll think about it.”
“Oh, thank you,” Marvin said. “I got to walk over to the store and get some Tylenol. I’ll be right back.”
When he left I said, “Maria, you’re not really going to sleep with the landlord in exchange for a month’s rent are you?”
“Of course not,” she said. “Marvin don’t know I done got that rent paid up with the landlord for six months in advance.”

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