So, the Zapata family and I had a plan. A solid Halloween plan. Matching costumes, big entrance we were gonna steal the show. But of course, the costumes didn’t arrive in time, and the dream died somewhere between DHL and disappointment.
So I said fine, Plan B I saw a cruella wig at Caye Supplies. I’m going as Cruella. It’s easy and fast!
Then it hit me how am I gonna round up some dalmatians?
The Zapatas only wear black. All black. Always. If I asked them to wear white with spots, they’d probably fake their own deaths and show up at the funeral in matching black outfits.
I already knew when I called Jose Luis he wasn’t going to be a dalmatian, but hey, I still tried. He said, “Yeah… no, don’t wait for us.” So, I said, “Fine! You can be the robbers and bring your bags to steal the puppies,” make sure you have dog scratch scars on your face.
Deli goes, “I guess I can be a sexy b**.”
Debbie says, “What — you want me to look like a b**** in heat? I’m there!”
Sherry’s like, “If you make my costume, I’ll go,” which is how I ended up hot-gluing spots at 1 a.m. and questioning my life choices.
Then Glenn says, “I’ll be a dalmatian but only if I can be a zombie dalmatian.”
At that point, I said, “Fine! Be whatever kind of dalmatian you want. Be a sexy dalmatian, a dead dalmatian, a dad dalmatian, I don’t care, just bark when I say bark.”
But I still needed more dalmatians, so I hit up all my cousins. Then my work team, but most people already had costumes. Basically, if you’ve ever replied to one of my messages, congratulations, you were drafted.
Dennis was hesitant. He didn’t want to be in no Disney-themed thing. So, I told Haley the plan, and she thought it was adorable. “You’re getting all your cousins involved!” Then she turns to Dennis and says, “You need to support your sister.”
He just grumbled something and changed the subject.
Fast-forward to Halloween night at Wayo’s. I’m in full Cruella mode, hair, coat, attitude, and in walks Dennis.
In full-on dalmatian. Ears, tail, the whole spotted situation.
I said, “Dennis! I thought you weren’t gonna do it!”
And then Haley peeks out from behind him…dressed as a pussycat, with a whip, and that evil little grin like, “Who’s a good boy now?”
And just like that, Cruella wasn’t the villain of the night anymore.
The events and characters depicted in Wolfe’s Woofer by Melody S. Wolfe are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The column is intended for satire and entertainment purposes only.
