Dear Doctor Love,
Every election cycle, we see almost the same trend: independent candidates coming out of the blue. Don’t get me wrong, I believe we need strong independent candidates to shake things up and reempower our community. But my issue is the independent candidates we get- those that pop up during election season and then are quiet for the rest of the time, hardly contributing to the community. I wish we had independent candidates who are already strong members of the community, always volunteering and leading initiatives; I think they would have a better chance. There are so many community members who already contribute greatly to our community without expectations, and I would love to see them run for office, like some Lions and Rotary Members. How do we encourage them to run for office? /s/ Strong Independent Candidate
Dear Strong Independent Candidate,
I think you answered part of your own question. The best independent candidate shouldn’t suddenly become interested in San Pedro six months before an election. We should already know them because we’ve seen them working.
And yes, we have plenty of those people. They’re in our service clubs, helping with fundraisers, organizing things, cleaning up, helping families, supporting schools and quietly doing work without needing their picture posted every time.
The problem is that some of the very people we’d like to see run want absolutely nothing to do with politics. Can you blame them? Running means putting yourself, your family, your business and sometimes your entire life under a microscope.
So maybe we start asking them. Not when elections are around the corner, but now. Tell people when you think they’d make a good leader. Encourage them. And if one of them is brave enough to run, don’t just say, “You have my support.” Actually help them.
We keep saying we want different choices. Well, sometimes we have to help convince good people that it’s worth giving us that choice. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My teenage daughter wants more freedom to go out with friends, but San Pedro has changed a lot and I worry about what young people are exposed to. She says I don’t trust her, but that isn’t the issue. I trust her; I don’t necessarily trust everyone around her. How can I give her independence without feeling like I am being an irresponsible parent? /s/ Teenage Freedom
Dear Teenage Freedom,
Unfortunately, this is part of having a teenager. They want freedom and we’re at home imagining every possible thing that could go wrong.
You can trust your daughter and still have rules. Those two things don’t cancel each other out. Know where she’s going, who she’s with, how she’s getting home and what time she’s expected back. If plans change, she calls or messages you. Those are reasonable rules.
Then give her a chance to show you she can handle more freedom. If she follows the rules and makes good decisions, loosen the rope a little. If she breaks the trust, you pull it back.
And talk to her about the things she’s going to come across without making every conversation a lecture. Drinking, drugs, older people, getting into a vehicle with someone who has been drinking, friends making stupid decisions. Make sure she knows she can call you if she’s ever in a bad situation, even if she got there by doing something she wasn’t supposed to do.
Our job isn’t to keep our children locked inside until they’re adults. It’s to teach them how to be out in the world without us standing beside them. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now, but everything has to be on the down-low. He says he doesn’t like putting his business on social media, and I can understand that, especially in Belize where everybody seems to know everybody’s business. But it’s more than just Facebook. He doesn’t want us going certain places together, and when we’re out, he acts like we’re just friends. Now I’m starting to wonder if he’s really a private person or if I’m just his little secret. Doctor Love, how can I tell the difference? /s/ The Secret Relation
Dear The Secret Relation,
There’s a big difference between private and secret.
Not posting you on Facebook? Fine. Some people really don’t like putting their relationships online, and in Belize I can understand wanting to keep some business to yourself.
But he can’t go certain places with you? He acts like you’re only friends when you’re out? That’s where I’d start asking questions.
After a few months, you should at least know what you’re involved in. Ask him straight: “Are we keeping this private, or are you hiding me?” And don’t only listen to the answer. Watch how he behaves afterward.
There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation, but you deserve to know what it is. Because if the only way this relationship works is when nobody knows it exists, I’d be wondering exactly who he doesn’t want finding out.
And that is usually where your answer is. /s/ Dr Love
Doctor Love is the island’s and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily those of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: dr.love@sanpedrosun.com