Dear Doctor Love,
I have had a guy friend for a long time, all the way through high school. He had a crush on me back then for a long time but he finally got over it. Over the years, we hung out and celebrated everything from our birthdays to new relationships together. I have never been attracted to him, even though he is very handsome. I think it is because we have always been such close friends.
Recently, he got engaged and no one could have been any happier for him than me. Then the girl he was engaged to, suddenly disappeared with a guy she had met only the week before. She didn’t even bother to break up with him or give his ring back. She just took off to the U.S. without even calling him. My friend was heartbroken.
We had a lot of long conversations about this because his confidence was really shaken badly. I felt I needed to help build him back up and I hated seeing him feeling hurt. Then, all of a sudden, I started having this strong physical attraction for him. It is like I suddenly saw all of the things about him that I haven’t noticed over the years because I have been too close. In the last two years he has gone from being a good-looking guy to devastatingly handsome. He is sensitive while still being manly and I know what a good person he is.
I made the mistake of telling one of my girlfriends about these new feelings I have been having and of course, she went straight to him and told him. Now, I am worried that it might ruin our friendship. He is gone for a week and when he gets back I don’t want to make any stupid mistakes. Should I tell him that my girlfriend was mistaken or that she was just joking with him? Should I just ignore it and let things go away?
Please help.
/s/ Still Evolving
Dear Evolving,
Usually, the best course involves doing nothing: at least, to begin with. When he gets back, pretend like you don’t even know that your girlfriend said anything to him. See if his attitude has changed and if so; how has it changed? Is he a trifle standoffish, like he might be worried? If he is, then back away and pretend that you know nothing and that nothing has changed.
Chances are good that he will start looking at you with new eyes, too. A crush is something that is rarely gotten over until the curiosity has been fully satisfied. He has probably pushed those old feelings for you under the surface over the years, but they are undoubtedly still there in some form or another.
If he doesn’t back away from you, then it is time for you to move forward and let him know that the old crush still has possibilities.
