Doctor Love: My fiancee is changing even before the wedding – help!

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

Dear Doctor Love,

My fiancee and I have been together for two years. Our wedding day is coming up in less than six months. I have loved this woman since the first time I met her but lately I have been worried about whether our marriage is going to work. I just really started noticing how things have changed so much for us in the last year and a half. When we first met, we were always lovey and touching and kissing. Now, she won’t even hold my hand in public. When we are together, which is most of the time in the evenings, she makes up a thousand excuses why we can’t have sex. She doesn’t even let me kiss her hardly ever anymore either. Since we moved in together I found out that she has a really bad temper and when she gets mad she stays that way for a long time. I am the one who always has to make up, even when it is her fault that we had a disagreement.

I finally took a chance and talked to her about all of this a few weeks ago. She says that it is because she is nervous about our marriage which will take place soon. She says that as soon as we get married everything will go back to normal. Marriage is a big commitment and I can understand being nervous but even so, she hasn’t changed one single thing since we had the talk. I thought she would at least be more understanding or something but yesterday she got mad just because I made a joke and she didn’t think it was funny. Now, she is still mad even though I apologized right after I said it. It wasn’t a mean joke or anything. She just took it the wrong way.

Now I am really worried. Am I making a mistake? Should I find a reason to postpone the wedding?

/s/Cold Feet

Dear Cold,

Your best chance is to wait until she falls asleep. Slide the engagement ring off her finger, stick it in your pocket and run out the nearest door. Keep on running for a long time.

Why? Because she is lying; that’s why. When she says things will get better after you are married you can bet it is not true. When people first meet, they always put their best foot forward because they are trying to attract a mate. In your case, it worked quite well. You were attracted. Now that she is convinced that you are hooked she doesn’t have to work at showing you her best side. She doesn’t think you are going anywhere. Why should she when she has you apologizing for things you didn’t even do?

You’ve already seen the basic nature of the beast and it is not a pretty sight. Just thank God you had a chance to live with her before you got married. At least she doesn’t own half of everything yet.

Your best bet is to put some distance between the two of you and don’t look back.

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