Dear Doctor Love,
I am a married man; my best friend is a married man. The problem is that my best friend’s wife is having an affair with me. I try to tell her it is wrong but I end up sleeping with her anyways. She keeps telling him lies so that we can be together. I want this to stop because I love my wife and I want to keep being friends with my best friend but she keeps throwing herself on me. My wife doesn’t know. Neither does my friend and I am afraid that if they find out I will end up without a wife and a friend.
Please tell me how to deal with this problem; how to get my friend’s wife to leave me alone. I want it to end but at the same time I enjoy every moment with her. Like I said I love my wife but this girl spends more time with me than with her husband (my best friend). I want it to end.
/s/ Desperate For Advice.
Dear Desperate,
The first thing you must do is to make an honest appraisal of the situation. Start with the phrase, “my best friend’s wife is having an affair with me.” How is she doing this? It seems impossible that she could do it all by herself. She needs some cooperation. Somebody has to hold still long enough for her to have this affair.
“I tell her it is wrong but end up sleeping with her anyway.” Unless she outweighs you by at least 75 pounds, it would be impossible for her to make you sleep with her. If she did outweigh you by 75 pounds you probably would not be having this affair. The only other way is for her to sneak up on you while you are asleep and take advantage of you.
“I want it to end but at the same time I enjoy every moment with her.” Now, you are getting down to the meat of the problem. If you didn’t like it, you wouldn’t be doing it.
Everything you have said in your letter points a finger of blame at your best friend’s wife. You, on the other hand, appear to be as blameless as a baby, with this woman taking advantage of you. Friend; that is not what is happening. It sounds like you are just preparing the story for your wife and your best friend for the time when you get caught. They are not going to believe that you are blameless for a moment.
If you really want this to end, then don’t put yourself in a position to be alone with her. No matter how she tries, simply do not be alone with her. If she tries calling, don’t talk to her. Unless she is bold enough to rip your clothes off in front of your wife or your best friend, this affair will be over.
Keep one other thing in mind. What you are doing is incredibly stupid but people do incredibly stupid things like this all of the time. The main reason is that they are addicted to the drama of the situation. The possibility of getting caught gives an adrenalin rush that heightens every one of your senses. It is easy to get caught up in it.
That adrenalin rush is nothing compared to the final one when you get caught. Unless the two of you can stand the shame and embarrassment of being exposed as cheaters, you had better stay as far away from her as you can.
