Doctor Love: “I am whatever they want me to be”

Sunday, April 21st, 2013

Dear Doctor,

I have terrible luck with men. My last relationship just ended. It was a mutual breakup but I really didn’t want it to end. I did not fight it though, because it has happened before and I know that fighting it is useless.

I don’t know what it is. I do everything I can for these guys. I know that the last one is really attracted to sexy women so I dressed sexy and acted sexy for him. The girl he left me for is so plain that I cannot believe it. She is very quiet and shy and he is just head over toes for her.

I have tried playing hard to get and it works long enough to get them. Once I get them, then they don’t want to stay. I have also played at being easy to get and it is the same story. I can get them but I can’t seem to keep them. There are other girls I know who do the same exact things and they have no trouble keeping a guy. I am not ugly. I know that men are attracted to me but I just can’t make them stay once I have them.

Please tell me the secret.

/s/ Once Again, Alone


Dear Alone,

There are some clues scattered about in the words of your letter. You “acted” sexy. You “played” hard to get. You “played” at being easy to get. It sounds like none of this is really you; just someone you are pretending to be.
When a guy first meets you, all he has to judge you by is what he sees. He sees sexy, hard to get or easy and that’s what he thinks. But even the dumbest man can eventually figure out this much: If you are not really sexy, it does no good to pretend you are. You either are or you’re not. If you’re easy, you are easy. He will find out as quickly as he tries to put the moves on you.

You are probably tired of hearing the same old advice all of the time but there is often a lot of truth in the old advice. In Hamlet, by William Shakespeare, Polonius says, “To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Guys usually make their first judgment about women based on their looks and how they act. Is this a shallow judgment? Of course it is, but eventually the guy is going to notice a difference between the real woman and the one he was first attracted to. This is the point where your relationships are probably going wrong.

Try being exactly what you are and how you feel. You will have a much better chance of success in your relationships.


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