Dear Doctor Love,
A year and a half ago I ran into a guy I used to know and we made a date to meet for lunch. Before I even had time to think about it we were dating. A lot of people had told me that he was gay but I did not think much about this because I know how people are. There have even been rumours that I am gay which is something I know is not true.
Anyway, we moved in together and were quite happy for about four months. Then he started getting phone calls and texts from an old friend. He made sure that I could not hear the calls and he always deleted the texts very quickly. I finally got hold of a text that he did not delete and it certainly sounded like these two guys had been lovers and possibly were still involved.
I confronted him about this and he admitted that he and his old friend had been lovers at one time but he had changed his life since then. He said that now he only talks to him to keep him from feeling bad. I did not believe this for a minute. Finally, after three months of going through this I told him I was ready to end it because I could not take it anymore. His suggestion was for us to take a break until summer. Every once in a while we would see each other around. Even though he looked miserable we never actually made contact. At the end of summer I tried to call him and could not reach him. I have not heard from him but I could find him if it was really necessary or if I badly wanted to.
I really miss him and not so much as a lover but as a friend. Should I track him down and try to get things started again?
/s/ Something’s Missing
By all means track him down and tell him how much you miss his friendship. After all, the break time is over and this is what you two agreed upon. However, don’t try to go back with him as a lover because the chances of it working are very small. If he already gives in to temptation you can bet that the situation will only get worse as time passes.
It is worth some effort to re-ignite a friendship. After all, it is far easier to find a new lover than it is to find a true friend.