Doctor Love: Marriage and Relationship

Sunday, June 22nd, 2014

Readers, please send your letters. They can be emails, formal letters or handwritten notes. They are edited solely for grammar and spelling. Also, they are sometimes edited for length.

Dear Doctor Love,
I have been married for sixteen years. My husband and I have not had relations for four years. It started gradually and after I had the second baby, things pretty much shut down. He says it is because he has a lot of stress in his job and he takes medicine for a liver condition. I don’t think this is true because I think he was never that interested anyway.
I’ve tried a lot of different things like marriage counseling (alone) and exercise programs. I also have two little girls who keep me busy. Now, I’m so frustrated that I am considering divorce. It does not seem fair that I should be punished for his lack of interest. I am still young and want a full life.
I am afraid of divorce because of the girls and because he would fight against it. I am desperate enough to have an affair.
What should I do?
/s/ Desperate Housewife

Dear Housewife,
Affairs are risky and usually don’t pay off. Why not ask for a trial separation and see if that gives him a wake-up call? You should be able to get him to counseling that way.

Dr-LoveDear Doctor Love,
My boyfriend of three years had a very stormy relationship with me. I knew he loved me but something inside made me act out against him and do spiteful things. I don’t know why I did these things because I was absolutely crazy about him. He finally told me that crazy is the last thing he needs. He split from me a year ago. At first I was so mad that I wanted to kill him. Then I was so sad that I wanted to kill myself. I started seeing a therapist and slowly started getting it together.
A week ago, I found out that he is getting married next month. I tried to call him or see him to let him know how much I have changed but he won’t see me or return my calls.
I think that we had such a long relationship that we should try to save it. What can I do?
/s/ Too Late?

Dear Late,
Face the fact that not every relationship can be saved. The situation was all your fault so it’s is time to shoulder the blame and carry on. In the meantime, let him carry on with his life, too.
You will fall in love again. Use this experience as a lesson.

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