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Dear Doctor Love,
One night after a party I had too much to drink and I ended up hooking up with my best guy friend. It was a one-time thing and I really wish it hadn’t happened. Now he thinks he is in love with me. He has a girlfriend and he wants to break up with her and get together. I am single and I don’t want a relationship. I really messed up a friendship and I want it back the way it was. How do I get out of this?
/s/ Stupid Drunk
Dear Stupid Drunk,
You are not the first, nor will you be the last person to have a lapse in judgment while drinking. It is pretty common to develop a temporary attraction for a trusted friend, especially if you are wearing beer goggles. But there are consequences and now you have to face them. You are single but he has a girlfriend—a fact you both ignored. That wasn’t nice of either of you. If his girlfriend finds out you can expect to be on the receiving end of some pretty justifiable anger from her. You can tell her you are sincerely sorry, but if they stay together, don’t expect your friendship with him will continue. If she breaks up with him, you will be branded then as the reason and that can be pretty embarrassing. It will be hard for you to come out on top of this one, so be ready for some rough times. Deal with them—they will pass.
Now he says he is in love with you and you don’t feel the same way. Maybe he fell for you when the relationship became sexual or you may have been missing signals from him all along. Either way, instead of running you should face it head-on and be honest. Tell him the truth about your feelings for him and how you see your relationship. Make sure he understands that if he decides to break up with his current girlfriend, he should not have expectations of a love affair with you. No matter how his current relationship turns out it might be impossible for him to return to the “best guy friend” status. It may never be the same as it was before. Talk to him and then distance yourself for a while and give him time to put his new feelings into perspective by being unavailable. You’ll come out of this having learned a valuable lesson—know your limit when partying and that will let you make better decisions about who you hook up with.
