Readers, email your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. Your letters are edited solely for grammar, spelling, and length.
Dear Doctor Love,
I met a girl while on vacation in Belize, and we fell completely in love. We stayed in constant communication when we got back to the States, and after a few months we went back to Belize and realized that we were meant to be together for life. We got married as soon as we got home.
That was eighteen months ago. She moved to my place in Texas and she at first loved it. She found a job and seemed to be happy. That only lasted a few short months. Now it seems like nothing pleases her and we argue constantly. She hasn’t made any friends of her own and resents my single guy friends. She wants to go to flea markets and garage sales, and I told her to go and enjoy herself, but she wants me to go with her and gets huffy when I won’t. Plus she is a total slob. A gentle reminder that the washing is piling up can send her around the bend. The list of arguments is endless.
The bottom line is that we don’t seem to have a single thing in common except that I love her. I think she loves me too, but I don’t think that is enough.
I want to tell her it is time to divorce but I keep putting it off. What is the best way to handle this?
Let’s recap, shall we? She moved to be with you. She found a job and settled into your life. You don’t like the way she keeps house and feel justified in giving her gentle reminders that the washing is piling up. You don’t like the activities that make her happy and refuse to do something as simple as taking her to a garage sale to see her smile.
It sounds like you haven’t put much time and effort into making this marriage work and you want to tell her it is time for a divorce. Marry in haste—repent at leisure is an old saying, but it doesn’t have to be a prediction.
You went from Hello, my name is…to married in a few months, so you don’t really know each other. Take stock of what you have that’s good. Have a real heart-to-heart about the differences in your lifestyles and how to make them less of a conflict.
There are too many issues for the Doctor to cover here. If you really love her, get help from a mediator to guide you through this struggle. It doesn’t have to end in tears.