Readers email your question to [email protected]. Your letters are edited solely for grammar, spelling, and length
Dear Doctor Love,
My best friend is very embarrassing when she gets drunk. It’s like she forgets how to be nice and she turns into this loud and mean girl. She hits on every man in the room, even if he is with someone and sometimes even pulls her top up to show herself. I am tired of having to get her home when she is so drunk, she can barely walk, and I think sometimes she is going to cause a fight with another girl, and I will have to take her side.
How do I get her to stop acting like this? I love her when she is not drinking, but she is not a nice person when she gets drunk. I think if she doesn’t stop it will ruin our friendship.
/s/Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed,
Nobody likes a loud, obnoxious drunk, even if they think they are the life of the party. If you haven’t already told her how she changes when she has had too much to drink it is time to do so and use examples. If you must, use your phone to record her at her worst, and hopefully, she will reexamine her drinking habits when she sees the truth in front of her. If other friends have noticed, ask their help to show her that she is on a dangerous path.
If she is mortified, then help her all you can. Make sure she eats before going out. Have her decide how many drinks she will have and help her stick to that number. Help her to pace herself. A soda or water in between cocktails will slow down her alcohol intake.
On the other hand, she may not be concerned about her behavior, even after you’ve shown her how she acts. She may find it amusing or tell you she doesn’t want to change. If she is enjoying herself, your words will fall on deaf ears.
Make it clear that you will stop getting her out of these bad situations. You don’t need to get her home when she is too intoxicated. You don’t need to intervene when she makes a fool out of herself or gets into a situation with another girl. When you see her begin to slip into the drunken behavior that makes you so uncomfortable, tell her you’re leaving. She can make a choice to go with you or stay on her own and be responsible for herself.
Even the most loving friend must know when it is time to step back and let the one, they care about take the consequences.
