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Dear Doctor Love,
My boyfriend and I have not had sex because he doesn’t want to wear a condom. I’ve only had one other boyfriend and when we didn’t use one, I was scared after because I might get pregnant. My guy now says it takes the fun out of it and he doesn’t get the same feeling as when he doesn’t wear one. He says he doesn’t have AIDS and that condoms don’t do any good anyway because they break all the time. We always end up in a fight about it and he leaves and he’s mad at me for days.
I really love him and we are going to get married and I’m beginning to think he may be right and we should just do it.
/s/Name Withheld
Dear Reader,
If he thinks that a condom puts a damper on the excitement of sex, what does he think nine months of pregnancy and months of sleepless nights and dirty diapers will do to the mood?
His excuses for not wearing a condom are just that—excuses. If he would stop resisting long enough, he might find out that there are many ways to make condom use a natural part of a sexual relationship. There are many sizes and styles of condoms, some are designed to give more pleasure to both parties so if he isn’t getting the proper stimulation, he should try another brand or size. Use your imagination and make it fun to use a condom and include it as part of foreplay.
Nobody wants to think they could have a sexually transmitted disease or infection, but if he’s had unprotected sex in the past, it’s possible, and you have every reason to protect yourself. The most common sexually transmitted diseases are Chlamydia, HPV (Human Papillomavirus), Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Herpes, Trichomoniasis and HIV/AIDS. Many of these can go undetected for years in men and women, so before you have sex with him, you both need to be tested. Expectant mothers can pass these diseases to her unborn child, so testing is just as important for you before you start a family.
If this is the man you want to marry and you are in a monogamous relationship, tell him you want to use a condom until you have both been tested. It’s very easy—your doctor will tell you how this is done. Once you have the “all clear” you will be free to toss the condoms for good but remember, if you want to protect from unwanted pregnancy be sure to seek another form of birth control in the meantime.
