Doctor Love: Issues in Relationships

Sunday, August 11th, 2019

Readers email your question to [email protected] Your letters are edited solely for grammar, spelling and length

Dear Doctor Love,
My boyfriend and I cannot agree on having children. He says he never wants one and I want at least one child. Should we break up now and find someone who agrees with our choices? We are both twenty and we’ve talked about getting married and I really want to be a mother and grandmother someday. Do we decide this first or get married and try to make an agreement when we are older?
/s/Baby Momma

Dear Momma,
You are still very young, so why not put off any talk about marriage or children for another few years? Chances are, one or both of you will change your minds about many things as you mature and grow together and having children could be one of those issues.
Live together and experience life together. Have some fun, save some money and have many adventures. Then revisit the issue in a few years. Talk about the reasons you want a child and the reasons he doesn’t. Maybe his reasons against are not carved in stone and maybe having a child won’t be as important as you think.
You don’t have to break up, there’s plenty of time to figure out if this is a deal breaker or not.

Dear Doctor Love,
My husband teases me relentlessly and he thinks it’s funny. I find much of it embarrassing and malicious, especially when he teases me about something personal and private. He often makes fun of me in front of our friends, especially if he has been drinking. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he says I’m too sensitive and he’s only teasing me. I think he’s being a bully and does it to say something negative that he’s been brooding about.
How do I get him to stop?
/s/Unhappy

Dear Unhappy,
It’s possible your husband has some anger issues and taunts you as a form of bullying. Good natured teasing is a sweet and endearing exchange between two people who have respect for each other’s boundaries. It shouldn’t be uncomfortable or hurtful. That’s not the case in your marriage.
One big red flag is that your husband’s behavior becomes more abusive when he’s drinking alcohol. Whether alone or in public, if a negative change accompanies drinking, then it indicates a problem with alcohol.
Ask him directly why he says things designed to hurt you. Point out that he does it more when he is drinking and suggest that he speak to an addiction councilor. If he doesn’t acknowledge your concerns, you should seek someone to talk to on your own.

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