Doctor Love: Smart Mom

Sunday, January 12th, 2020

Readers, email your question to [email protected] Your letters are edited solely for grammar, spelling and length.

Dear Doctor Love,
I feel really bad to say this, but I have not liked any of my son’s female friends. They all seem so foolish and I think my son only wants to date them because they have nice figures. My son is a smart, handsome boy and can do better with a smart girl instead of a pretty girl with no brains. How do I teach him that he has to look for better a girlfriend?
/s/Smart Mom

Dear Smart Mom,
The Doctor suspects you are just plain jealous, and you have you have allowed your jealousy to cloud your judgment of your son’s girlfriends. How did you decide they are all foolish—have you spent any time with any of them without judging them for their appearance? Does your problem with your son’s girlfriend stem from her good looks or her apparent lack of intelligence? If your son brought home a beautiful girl who was also a straight “A” student would she be good enough for you or does she have to be hideous?
You have distorted the normal level of protection a mother has for her child and turned it into something mean and nasty. To put it plainly, your thoughts are ugly and the best you can do is blame these girls for your feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.
The problem is with you so fix it. Your son will date girls he finds attractive and you will not be able to stop it. Fix the problem now in you before you become a mean-spirited mother who hates her daughter-in-law and alienates her son. You say your son is smart, let him choose his own partners and work on changing your attitude.

Dear Doctor Love,
I just found out my wife has been gambling on poker sites and I want her to stop. She says she won’t do it again but I caught her last night. What can I do, she can’t stop herself.
/s/No Gambling

Dear No Gambling
Online gambling sites require a debit or credit card so the first thing to do is remove the ability to place a bet. Cut up and cancel your cards and do your banking in person. If you must have a credit line or debit card, speak to the bank manager with your wife and have a card issued and don’t give her access. Your wife will be supportive of this if she really wants to quit gambling. Find support from others who have battled this addiction and keep an eye on your computer history to help her stick with her resolution.

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