Dear Dr. Love,
I got into a big fight with my live-in boyfriend, and afterward, I went into my bedroom to be away from him. My best friend, who was there, didn’t ask me how I was doing. Instead, she sat with him in the living room, watching TV and listening to him go on that I’m no longer the same person and I’m crazy. She didn’t even defend me! I am really upset that she never came to see me and asked how I was doing. She doesn’t seem like a true friend to me. Since then, I have been treating her more like an acquaintance rather than a friend. I am not sure if I should continue our friendship and sit down to try to repair our relationship. Do you think she is worth it? /s/ Betrayed Bestie
Dear Betrayed Bestie,
Your disappointment is valid. Friendship, like any relationship, is built on mutual support and understanding. It’s possible your friend didn’t know how to navigate the conflict and defaulted to a passive stance. However, before deciding to cast her aside, consider having an honest conversation. Share how her actions made you feel. True friends will value your feelings and seek to make amends. If she responds with empathy and a willingness to understand, then perhaps the friendship is worth salvaging. But if she remains indifferent, you’ll know your answer. Growth often comes from uncomfortable conversations, and clarity is the best outcome, whatever it may be. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Dr. Love,
What do you say (if anything) when your 19-year-old son likes a certain rapper who advocates for violence and racism? Some of the lyrics are frightening and very offensive! Our son says he does not agree with the rapper’s comments but still follows him on social media and still likes his music. I am not sure I believe him and fear he is identifying with these alarming messages. I know my son is no longer a child. I also know that as his mother, no matter how old he is, I should always want what is best for him. I’m trying to respect boundaries. I’m also extremely concerned. /s/ What Can I Say?
Dear What Can I Say?,
Parenting a young adult is like walking a tightrope over a canyon—you need balance and a clear head. It’s essential to understand that music can be a complex expression of many things, not just an endorsement of the lyrics. Start by having a calm, non-judgmental conversation with your son about why he likes this artist. Is it the beat, the flow, or perhaps the way the music makes him feel?
Express your concerns honestly but listen to his perspective too. It’s an opportunity to discuss values and the impact of media. Encourage critical thinking about the messages in the music and how they align or conflict with his beliefs. Your goal is to guide him towards thoughtful consumption, not to create a divide. Respecting his autonomy while sharing your wisdom can build a bridge rather than a wall. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Dr. Love,
Six years ago, our daughter married her high school sweetheart, a wonderful young man we love like a son. When they were planning their wedding, her soon-to-be father-in-law promised a small amount of money for the wedding, which I didn’t expect since the bride’s parents usually paid for everything. I thanked him anyway, and we never received the money. They are well-to-do, so I don’t understand why they didn’t give the money they offered. I’ve held a grudge ever since, although my wife advised me to forget it. Recently, our daughter gave birth to a son, and we offered to take care of expenses for his christening ceremony and party. The mother-in-law offered to bake! They stood by while we worked to set up the party and watched when we broke everything down.
As we loaded all the gifts and supplies into the cab in the pouring rain, the father-in-law handed me a very small gift bag that we forgot and said, “I looked for the smallest thing to help you out!” I was livid! What an incredible insult! I was ready to punch him in the nose and spend the night in jail! Am I wrong in my feelings?
/s/ Angry Father of the Bride
Dear Angry Father of the Bride,
Ah, the old dance of family dynamics and unspoken expectations. Your frustration is understandable. Yet, carrying a grudge for six years is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Your feelings are valid, but they need a productive outlet. Reflect on what’s more important: holding onto this anger or the relationship with your daughter and her family. You can’t control others’ actions, only your reactions. Perhaps the father-in-law’s comment was a misguided attempt at humor or an awkward gesture. Consider a candid, but calm, conversation with him about your feelings. If you find it difficult to let go, it might be time to seek inner peace through forgiveness, not for him, but for your own well-being. Holding onto anger only chains you to the past and prevents you from enjoying the present and future with your loved ones. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
