Dear Doctor Love,
My best friend is struggling with alcoholism, constantly moving from place to place. He often spends rent money on alcohol and shuts us out of his life. It’s tough to watch him spiral downward. I’m starting to feel hopeless, and my empathy is waning as he rejects our attempts to help or uses the money we give him for alcohol. What’s the best way to help him? Should we distance ourselves? Should I reach out to someone on his behalf? /s/ Alcoholism is killing my friendship
Dear Alcoholism is killing my friendship,
Watching someone you care about battle addiction is heart-wrenching, and it’s understandable that your empathy is being tested. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is step back and let them face the consequences of their actions. Encourage him to seek professional help but recognize that you can’t fix this for him. Setting boundaries is not abandonment; it’s preserving your own well-being. Reaching out to someone on his behalf, like a trusted family member or an addiction counselor, could be a good step. Just remember, he has to want the change himself for it to truly take hold. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I am married, but it isn’t perfect. My husband of seven years, for whatever reason, doesn’t like my family. My mom has now been diagnosed with early dementia. I want her to live with us, but he doesn’t like that. If I even go by her home, he has a problem. I’m torn between saving my marriage or taking care of Mom. Please help me figure out what to do. /s/Who do I choose?
Dear Who do I choose?
You’re in an incredibly tough spot, and it’s clear that both your marriage and your mother’s well-being are deeply important to you. It’s vital to have an honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and the gravity of your mother’s condition. Compassionate care for your mother doesn’t mean the end of your marriage, but it does require mutual understanding and compromise. See if there’s a middle ground—perhaps arranging care for your mom that doesn’t involve her moving in or getting outside help to ease the burden. This situation calls for both of you to put love and empathy first, not just for each other, but for your mother as well. /s/ Dr. Love
Hi Doctor Love,
My husband and I have a blended family, each with two grown children and six grandchildren, all together. Luckily, they all live in the same town as us. We enjoy celebrating holidays together and have hosted numerous family dinners on occasions such as Christmas, Easter, and birthdays. While we love entertaining our families, it has become quite costly and time-consuming for us, especially considering our age. Our frustration stems from the fact that nobody offers to help, and most of the time, everyone just shows up empty-handed. Even the occasional last-minute offers to bring something don’t really alleviate the burden on us. Additionally, we feel there is a lack of gratitude as we rarely receive thank-yous. How can we politely communicate to our family that their help and gratitude would be greatly appreciated and that we would like them to step in and contribute more? /s/ Tired of doing all the work
Dear Tired of doing all the work,
It’s understandable that you’re feeling worn out from shouldering the responsibilities of hosting. Family gatherings should be joyful, not burdensome. It’s time to have a candid yet gentle conversation with your family. Let them know how much you love these gatherings, but also express that you need a little help to keep the tradition alive. You might suggest a potluck style for future events or assign specific tasks, like bringing drinks or helping with cleanup. Most people won’t realize there’s an issue unless it’s brought to their attention, so speak up with kindness and clarity. A little bit of shared effort can make these occasions enjoyable for everyone, including you. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
