Dear Doctor Love,
I have been visiting Belize for over 20 years and made a good friend during one of my visits. Back then, I used to drink and smoke, but I have since stopped. However, my friend still indulges in these habits. When I returned to Belize in 2023 after a five-year absence, I reconnected with my friend. During our meetings, her drinking had reached a point where she was unable to hold a conversation, and I had to assist her in walking. When she is sober and not smoking, she is smart, fun, and engaging. I visited again last month and invited her out, hoping to be more tolerant, but her behavior was even worse. It seems that her life is not going as she had hoped. She has a strained relationship with her teenage son, and I suspect her marriage is also struggling. Additionally, it seems that she has lost touch with many of her friends, and her relationship with her family has also suffered. Should I distance myself from her, or should I prepare for a difficult conversation? /s/ Dying Friendship
Dear Dying Friendship,
It sounds like your friend is in a difficult place, and it’s understandable that watching someone you care about struggle is both painful and exhausting. Your instinct to be there for her speaks to the bond you share, but you’re right to consider your own boundaries. It’s okay to feel conflicted between wanting to help and wanting to protect your peace.
If you have the energy, a gentle conversation could be a way to express your concern. Make it clear that you care about her well-being, and try to approach it with compassion, without judgment. Sometimes, people don’t realize the impact of their actions until a friend brings it up lovingly. But if she’s not ready to hear it, know that you cannot force change. You can offer support, but her journey is ultimately hers to navigate.
If the conversation doesn’t go well or if you feel it’s affecting your own well-being, it’s okay to step back. Friendships, especially long ones, go through ups and downs, and sometimes distance is necessary until the other person is ready to seek help or make changes. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I’m writing to you with a question about our upcoming trip to San Pedro. We’re a group of 5 friends in our mid-20s, and this will be our first visit to the island. We’re excited to celebrate Halloween, but we’re not sure what fun activities are available. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. P.S. We are bringing down our costumes. /s/ Halloween Fun
Dear Halloween Fun,
San Pedro is a fantastic place to celebrate Halloween, and it sounds like you and your friends are in for a treat! The island comes alive with Halloween festivities, and you’ll find plenty to do. There are costume contests, beach parties, and themed events at various bars and clubs. Many local spots often host Halloween parties with live music and drinks, so keep an eye out for their event schedules. You might also enjoy a boat party or a pub crawl, which are popular ways to soak in the island’s festive spirit. The biggest party is hosted by Holiday Hotel now operating as La San Pedrana.
Since you’re bringing your costumes, you’ll fit right in—locals and visitors alike love getting creative and going all out. Make sure to ask around when you arrive; many businesses post flyers, and your hotel or locals will be more than happy to point you to the best events happening that night. Have a spooky and unforgettable time! /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My best friend and I go way back, and we’re both in our mid-30s now. We’ve remained close and even live close to each other. Her kids call me aunt, and vice versa, and we’ve traveled together. However, the last few years have been really tough for her, especially due to the strain of COVID.
Our friendship is in a strange place, and I’m unsure what to do anymore. I’ve tried to stay in touch over the last three years—sending text messages to check in, leaving cheerful voicemails, and inviting her to things we enjoy. However, I usually get radio silence or a quick thumbs up in response. I understand if she’s not in a place to respond, but then she’ll randomly reach out, saying she desperately needs a girls’ night. I usually agree, but there’s a high likelihood that she’ll cancel, or if we do meet, she doesn’t really engage or seems like she’d rather be somewhere else. Honestly, everything she asks me to go out, I’m tired—physically exhausted. I do want to spend time with my friend, but only if she actually engages and asks about my life, too. The larger issue is how to continue a long-standing friendship with a very good person. This one-sided relationship is very tiring. /s/ I’d Rather Be Sleeping
Dear I’d Rather Be Sleeping,
It’s clear you value your friendship deeply, and it’s admirable that you’ve put in so much effort to maintain it, especially through such challenging times. However, it’s understandable that a one-sided dynamic has left you feeling exhausted. Friendships should be mutual, and while life’s ups and downs can make things uneven at times, there comes a point where it’s fair to consider your own needs, too.
It may be worth having an honest conversation with her, expressing how much you care about the friendship while also setting some boundaries. Let her know you’re there for her but that you also need her to engage and show interest in your life when you do spend time together. This might be the nudge she needs to recognize the effort you’ve put in and meet you halfway.
If things don’t change, you might need to adjust your expectations and the amount of energy you invest. Sometimes friendships shift, and people grow apart without ill intent. It doesn’t mean the bond you’ve shared isn’t real, but it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and focus on relationships that feel balanced. If she comes around and wants to truly reconnect, you can choose to open that door again. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
