Dear Doctor Love,
My 21-year-old son finished junior college recently, but spends most of his days playing video games and hanging out with friends. There are jobs available in our community, but he says the pay is too low and prefers to wait for something better. He still lives at home, and my husband and I cover all of his expenses.
My husband believes we are enabling him and says it is time for him to either get a job, continue his education, or contribute to the household. I understand his point, but I feel guilty. As parents, we want to support our children, and I worry that setting stricter boundaries will make him feel abandoned.
I know parental responsibility does not end when a child becomes an adult, but I also believe part of being a parent is preparing them to stand on their own two feet. How do we support our son without encouraging dependence? Is it time for some tough love, or should we continue giving him more time to figure things out? /s/ Supporting our Kids
Dear Supporting our Kids,
There’s a difference between helping your child and protecting them from life. One helps them grow. The other keeps them standing still.
Your son has every right to hope for a better-paying job, but while he’s waiting, there’s value in working. Most of us didn’t start where we wanted to end up. We started somewhere, learned how to show up, earned a paycheck, and kept moving forward.
You don’t have to stop loving him or throw him out of the house. But at 21, it’s fair to expect him to be moving in a direction. That could mean working, going back to school, learning a trade, or helping with expenses at home. The goal isn’t to make his life harder. It’s to remind him that adulthood comes with responsibility.
Your husband isn’t asking you to love your son less. He’s asking you to believe he’s ready for more.
Sometimes the greatest act of love is believing someone can stand on their own before they believe it themselves. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I recently saw my friend’s husband with another woman. I don’t know all the details, but what I saw didn’t look innocent. Part of me feels she deserves to know, but I’m afraid of getting involved in someone else’s marriage. What should I do? /s/ Should I Tell My Friend?
Dear Should I Tell My Friend?
This is one of those moments where doing nothing is a choice too.
Before you say a word, be sure you’re talking about what you actually saw, not what you think it meant. Assumptions have ruined more than a few friendships.
But if you’re certain, ask yourself one simple question: if the situation were reversed, would you want your friend to tell you?
If the answer is yes, then tell her gently. Stick to the facts. Don’t guess, don’t accuse, and don’t try to convince her of anything. Just tell her what you witnessed and let her decide what comes next.
A true friend doesn’t create drama, but they don’t hide the truth either. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My teenage daughter has recently started saying that school is pointless and that she wants to leave before graduating so she can start working and earning money. She sees other young people making money through jobs, social media, small businesses, and other opportunities, and believes she can do the same without completing her education.
I have tried explaining that education opens doors and provides opportunities that may not be available otherwise, but she says many successful people never finished school and that experience is more important than a diploma. The more we discuss it, the more frustrated we both become.
I understand that times have changed and that there are different paths to success, but I worry she is only looking at the short-term benefits of earning money now and not considering the long-term consequences. I am concerned that if she leaves school, she may limit her future options and eventually regret the decision.
As a parent, I want to support her dreams while also encouraging her to make choices that will benefit her in the future. How can I help her see the value of completing her education without turning every conversation into an argument? /s/ Getting Educated
Dear Getting Educated,
Your daughter is right about one thing. There are people making a great living without college, and some without ever finishing school.
But that’s not really the question.
The question is whether she wants to close a door before she knows if she’ll ever need to walk through it.
Finishing school doesn’t stop her from starting a business, getting a job, or building a following online. It simply gives her another option if life takes an unexpected turn. Dreams and education don’t have to compete with each other. They can work side by side.
Instead of trying to convince her, ask her to show you her plan. Not just for next month, but for five years from now. Sometimes when young people have to map out their future, they begin to see the gaps for themselves.
Keep talking with her, not at her.
The future has room for dreamers, but it also rewards those who stay prepared. /s/ Dr Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: dr.love@sanpedrosun.com