Dear Doctor Love,
I’m retired and recently moved to Ambergris Caye. I love the island, but I’m finding it difficult to make friends. What’s the best way to become part of the community? /s/ Retiree
Dear Retiree,
One thing I’ve learned is that friends don’t usually come looking for you. You have to put yourself where people are.
Go to the fundraisers, stop by the market, volunteer, join a church if that’s your thing, or just become a regular somewhere. Take a class painting, yoga or whatever classes are being offered. Even if it’s not your thing try and see if you like it. Around here, people may not invite you over the first time they meet you, but if they keep seeing your face, before long they’ll be saving you a seat.
The biggest mistake people make after moving here is spending all their time with other newcomers. Get to know the people who’ve called this island home for years. Listen more than you talk, support local businesses, and don’t be afraid to jump in and lend a hand when something needs doing.
One day you’ll look around and realize these people aren’t just your neighbors anymore. They’re your friends. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I love my grandchildren more than anything, and I’ve always been happy to help care for them. But over the past year, what started as the occasional favor has turned into babysitting almost every day. Since I’m retired, my adult children assume I’m always available, and sometimes they don’t even ask… they simply call to say they’re dropping the kids off.
I understand how difficult it is to balance work and family, and I want to continue supporting them. However, I’m beginning to feel exhausted. I’ve had to give up many of my own plans because I’m constantly looking after the children.
When I mention needing a break, my children tell me that family should always help family. That leaves me feeling guilty, even though I know I also deserve time for myself. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make my grandchildren think I don’t enjoy being with them.
How can I set healthy boundaries without damaging my relationship with my children or grandchildren? /s/ Tired Grandparent
Dear Tired Grandparent,
I’ve noticed nicest people end up with the fewest boundaries.
There’s nothing wrong with helping your children. But helping isn’t the same as being on call every day. Retirement isn’t a reward for working all those years just so someone else can fill your calendar.
Sit them down when nobody’s upset and simply tell them, “I love helping with the kids, but I need you to ask first. Some days I already have plans, even if those plans are just enjoying a quiet afternoon.”
If they answer with, “Family helps family,” just smile and say, “Yes… and family also respects each other’s time.”
Your grandchildren need a happy grandma more than an exhausted one. /s/ Dr Love
Doctor Love,
My neighbour constantly complains about tourists and says they’re ruining the island. I understand some of the frustration, but tourism is also how many of us earn a living. How can I respond without starting an argument? /s/ Disgruntled Neighbour
Dear Disgruntled Neighbour,
This island has always had a love-hate relationship with tourism.
Without visitors, a lot of families wouldn’t have work. At the same time, anyone who’s lived here long enough can point to things that have changed, and not always for the better.
Instead of arguing, I’d probably say, “I hear you. Tourism isn’t perfect. But neither is trying to make a living without it.”
Most people aren’t looking to change their minds. They’re looking to be heard. Once they feel heard, they’re usually more willing to hear your side too.
It’s easy to blame the tourists, but the truth is they’re only part of the picture. A lot of the responsibility falls on us and our leaders. Growth needs rules. Plenty of destinations have protected areas, limits on development, and clear rules visitors have to follow. Tourism doesn’t have to ruin a place if it’s managed well. When we stop protecting what makes our island special, everyone loses, locals and visitors alike.
At the end of the day, tourists didn’t build this island. Neither did locals alone. It took both, and it’ll take both to keep it going. /s/ Dr Love
Doctor Love is the island’s and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily those of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: dr.love@sanpedrosun.com