Dear Doctor Love,
Everywhere you turn, Belizeans are complaining about the high cost of living. People say groceries, rent, fuel and light bills are draining their pockets, and that they barely have enough money to make it through the month. But after watching the Carnaval celebrations this past weekend, I had to wonder where all that money suddenly came from for drinks, food, outfits and partying. Are people exaggerating how hard things are, or do Belizeans simply find money when it is time to enjoy themselves? Maybe celebrating is how we cope with difficult times, but should we be spending so freely today and crying broke tomorrow? /s/ Money for Carnival
Dear Money for Carnival,
I think it’s a little of both. The cost of living really is high, and some of us are also terrible with money.
Seeing somebody out drinking and enjoying Carnaval doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t struggling. Maybe they saved for it, got paid that weekend, borrowed money, or somebody else was buying the drinks. And sometimes when life is hard, people need one weekend where they don’t think about bills and just enjoy themselves.
But yes, there are also people who will spend the light bill on a good time Saturday and be crying broke by Tuesday. At some point we have to admit that isn’t only the economy. That’s also choices.
Enjoy Carnaval. Buy the outfit. Have the drinks if you can afford them. Life cannot be work, bills and misery either. But if Monday morning always comes with regret, maybe next Carnaval needs a budget. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I finally gathered the courage to report my partner for domestic violence, but instead of feeling protected, I left the police station feeling ignored. The officers seemed to treat it like a private relationship problem and told me to return if things became worse. How much worse must it get before someone takes me seriously? I am afraid to stay, but I am also afraid that reporting him again will make him angrier if the police still do nothing. What can victims do when the very people responsible for protecting them fail to act? /s/ No Voice
Dear No Voice,
It should not have to get worse. You already went to the police because you were afraid, and that should have been taken seriously.
Please don’t make your next move based on proving to anybody how bad things are. Make it based on keeping yourself safe. Tell somebody you trust what is happening. Keep records of threats, messages, injuries and every report you make, somewhere your partner cannot get to them. If you go back to the police, take someone with you if you can and ask for the officer who deals with domestic or family violence.
And go beyond that one police station. Contact the Women’s Department or the organizations in Belize that deal specifically with gender-based violence. If an officer failed to properly handle your report, you can also make a complaint about that.
Most importantly, don’t warn an abusive partner about plans that could put you in more danger. Leaving can sometimes be the most dangerous time, so get help making a safe plan and somewhere safe to go.
You found your voice when you made that first report. If the first person didn’t listen, please don’t let that convince you that what happened wasn’t serious. It was. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My husband regularly lends money to his relatives without discussing it with me. We are already struggling with bills, but he says he cannot turn his back on family. The problem is that nobody ever pays him back, and we are the ones left trying to catch up. How can I make him understand that helping everyone else should not come at the expense of our household? /s/ Loans for Everyone
Dear Loans for Everyone,
Your husband is not only lending his money. If the two of you are struggling to pay household bills afterward, he’s lending yours too.
There is nothing wrong with helping family when you can. But “when you can” is the important part. If the light bill is behind, groceries are tight or you are borrowing just to get through the month because he gave somebody else money, then you couldn’t afford to lend it.
Sit down together and decide what has to be covered first every month. Bills, food, savings and whatever your household needs. After that, if there is extra money and he wants to help somebody, fine. You can even agree on a certain amount that either of you can give without having to ask the other.
And maybe stop calling these things loans if nobody ever pays him back. They’re gifts. Sometimes seeing it that way makes the numbers a little clearer.
Family is important, but you and the home you’ve built together are his family too. /s/ Dr Love
Doctor Love is the island’s and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily those of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: dr.love@sanpedrosun.com