Dear Doctor Love,
My wife and I have been married for six years, but we keep most of our finances separate. I recently discovered that she has several unpaid loans and credit card bills that she never told me about. The problem is that I also have debt I have been hiding because I was embarrassed to admit it. We want to buy a home, but neither of us has been honest about our financial situation. How do we rebuild trust and deal with this mess together? /s/ Buried in Bills
Dear Buried in Bills,
Well, the good news is neither of you gets to sit on the high horse here. You both hid debt, probably for the same reason: embarrassment and fear of being judged.
So put everything on the table. Every loan, credit card, balance, payment and interest rate. No more surprises. Then sit down together and figure out what can be paid off first and what spending needs to change.
I would also put the house dream on hold for a little while. Not forever, just until you both understand exactly where you stand. A house is supposed to give you security, not pile another big bill on top of a mess you haven’t sorted out yet.
And going forward, separate accounts are fine if that works for you, but separate finances cannot mean secret finances. If you’re building a life together, the big stuff has to be honest. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My best friend and I used to speak almost every day, but since she entered a new relationship, I hardly hear from her. She cancels our plans at the last minute and only calls when she and her boyfriend are having problems. Once they make up, she disappears again. I am happy that she found someone, but I feel used and forgotten. Should I confront her or simply stop making myself available? /s/ Forgotten Friend
Dear Forgotten Friend,
I would say something before quietly walking away. Not a big confrontation, just be honest.
Tell her you miss the friendship you had and that lately it feels like you only hear from her when something is wrong with her relationship. She may honestly not realize how much she has been doing it.
Then watch what happens after the conversation. Not what she promises, what she actually does.
You don’t have to punish her or stop answering her calls altogether, but you also don’t need to keep dropping everything for somebody who only remembers you when she needs somewhere to vent. Friendships change when people get into relationships, that’s normal. Being treated like an emergency hotline is not.
Give her a chance to correct it. If nothing changes, step back a little and match the effort you’re receiving. /s/ Dr Love
Dear Doctor Love,
Every September, we are encouraged to wave our flags, attend the celebrations and show our national pride. This year, however, I am finding it difficult to feel festive. The cost of living keeps rising, families are struggling to pay their bills, and our politicians seem more interested in arguing and blaming each other than finding real solutions. I love Belize and am proud of our country, but celebrating while so many people are barely getting by feels almost dishonest. Is it wrong that the September Celebrations no longer feel like something worth celebrating? /s/ Patriot Without the Party Spirit
Dear Patriot Without the Party Spirit,
You can love Belize and still be disappointed with what is happening in Belize. Those two things can sit in the same chair.
Patriotism doesn’t mean pretending everything is wonderful because September came around. And celebrating doesn’t mean you have to ignore the things you believe need fixing.
Maybe this year your pride looks different. Maybe it’s less about the parties and more about appreciating our people, our history, our culture and the Belizeans who still help each other when things get rough.
Governments come and go. Political arguments come and go. Belize is bigger than all of them.
So if you don’t feel like waving a flag at every event this year, don’t force it. But don’t let frustration with politics take away your love for your country either. Sometimes loving a place also means wanting better for it. /s/ Dr Love
Doctor Love is the island’s and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact the Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily those of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: dr.love@sanpedrosun.com