Woofer: The Bachelor

Sunday, April 21st, 2013

Dennis-Wolfe-Wolfes-Woofers“Mr. Dennis. How are you doing?”

“Well, hello there, Mr. Hopkins,” I said. “I’m doing fine. What brings you out to the island from San Ignacio?”

“I’m out here visiting my old Aunty Sofia,” he said. “She practically raised me when I was a boy.”
The middle-aged Mr. Hopkins joined me at the picnic table of my favorite local taco place and both of us ordered our dinner. A well-dressed older lady walked up to our table.

“Are you Mister Freddy?” she asked Hopkins.

“That’s me.”

“Your Tía Sophia sent me to talk to you. She says you need a woman over there where you live in San Ignacio.”

“Oh, no,” Hopkins said. “I’m just fine. Thank you, though.”

No sooner had she left than another well dressed lady in her forties showed up with the same question.

“Thank you very much,” was the answer, “but I’m doing just fine.”

“But your Aunty says you’re not married,” the lady said. “Who washes your clothes?”

“I have two sisters that live with me,” Hopkins said. “They wash clothes for me. They do the cooking and clean the house. I don’t need a wife.”

The lady looked doubtful but she left. Hopkins gave a big sigh.

“My old Aunty is trying to get me married off,” he said. “I don’t need the headache of having a wife.”

“I heard you tell her that you had two sisters who live with you, Mr. Hopkins,” I said, “but there are some needs a bachelor has that a sister just can’t take care of.”

“I said I had two sisters that take care of my needs,” Mr. Hopkins said. “I didn’t say they were my sisters.”


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