The San Pedro Sun

Wolfe’s Woofer: A Sure Thing

I was visiting a friend in the U.S. and every day I walked around for exercise. The sign in an office window said, Doctor John Bulwar. $500 for your treatment. If you are not cured you get back $1000. I know a sure thing when I see it so I walked in. When I saw how old the doctor was I knew for certain I would win some big money.
I said, “Doctor, I’ve lost all taste in my mouth.”
“Nurse!” he called. “Bring me a dropper of medicine from bottle 14 and put two drops on the patients tongue.”
“A-a-c-c-h! This tastes like gasoline,” I said, when the drops hit my tongue.
“Congratulations,” he said. “You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
I left there in a foul mood and $500 poorer. Two days later I tried again.
“Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember a thing.”
The doctor called, “Nurse bring me some of that medicine from bottle 14 and put 3 drops on this poor man’s tongue.”
“Oh, no you don’t,” I said. “That stuff is gasoline.”
“Mr. Wolfe, congratulations on getting your memory back,” the old doctor said. “That will be $500.”
By this time I was really angry. There was no way I could let that old man take advantage of me. Two days later I returned to his office.
“Doctor, I think I’m going blind,” I said. “My vision is so weak I can barely see anything.”
The old man thought for a while and then said, “Sir, I have no medicine for that so I’ll have to pay up. Here is a $1000 bill.”
“Wait a minute,” I said. “This is only $10.”
He snatched it from my hand and said, “Congratulations! You got your vision back. That will be $500.”