Wolfe’s Woofer: Mail Order Bride
Sunday, May 1st, 2016
“Mr. Dennis, come have some beers with us,” Luis called to me.
I had just walked out onto the deck at the Holiday Hotel.
I went to the table where he sat with Pedrito and said, “I think I’ll stick with my coffee this morning but I will join you. How are you guys today?”
“Ooh, pretty rough, boss,” Pedrito said. “We been drinking all night. I got so drunk that I drank myself sober.”
“Hey, Pedro,” Luis said. “Check this out.”
Two ladies at the next table had paid their bill and left a couple of Victoria’s Secret catalogs on the table. Luis handed one to Pedrito and they leafed through them.
“Man, look at this,” Luis said. “I heard about them mail order brides that you can send away for. That must be what this catalog is.”
“Look how cheap they are,” Pedrito said. “This one here is only wearing a bra and some panties. The book says $23.99 for the set.”
“Good-looking women, too,” Luis said. “I’m going to send away for this one. $34.59.”
When I realized they were serious I decided not to say anything to spoil their dreams.
This morning I met Pedro and Luis again when I walked out on the deck with my coffee. It looked like they were still fighting the same hangovers with beer.
“Hey, Mr. Dennis,” Luis said, as I sat down. “How are you today?”
“I’m doing good,” I told him. “I’m curious about something. A few weeks ago you and Pedrito were ordering women from a catalog. How did that work out for you?”
“It’s working out great,” he said.
“What?!” I exclaimed. “Are you telling me you got a woman though the mail?”
“Not yet, boss,” he said, “but her clothes got here yesterday.”
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