Thursday, April 18, 2024

Wolfe’s Woofer: Close Call


“I wasn’t doing wrong,” Vernon said. “I was just talking to the girl, but Yolanda thought I was up to no good and gave me holy hell.”
“That’s the way wives is,” Mario told him. “She’s gonna believe the worst anyway.”
“Gentlemen,” Reverend Will said, “It is best to follow the advice of the Bible. In First Thessalonians it says, ‘Abstain from all appearances of evil.’”
The members of the Nosenada Eight Ball and Darts club rolled their eyes at each other. We were having our Saturday morning breakfast at Señora Avila’s taco stand when Reverend Will invited himself to sit with us. The club members aren’t very religious, and we were hoping he would go away and preach somewhere else.
Of course, Mario couldn’t just let it go.
“Reverend,” he said. “The problem is that you a preacher and we live different kinds of lives. You don’t know a whole lot about sin in real life.”
“Of course, I do,” the reverend said. “I have a whole church full of sinners. Just the other day one fellow I know almost got caught in the bedroom of another man’s wife. He could have been there for innocent reasons, but it didn’t appear so.”
Moses said. “He’s lucky he didn’t get caught.”
“He almost did, but he said there was a ladder leaning up on the house right next to the window. He leaped out the window and climbed down the ladder real quick.”
“He caught a big break,” Moses said.
“Yes, but halfway down the ladder broke,” the reverend said. “I thought I was gonna get killed for sure.”

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