Dear Doctor Love,
My sister and I used to be tight, but ever since she started seeing this new guy, everything changed. He’s not a bad person, but let’s be real, he definitely grew up in a more high-end lifestyle than we ever did. Now all of a sudden she’s acting brand-new, like she done forget where we come from. She watches every move I make and criticizes everything, from how I raise my kids to something as simple as what I post on Facebook. I can’t even breathe without her having something to say.
The worst part happened last week. She went and told my mother that I “don’t care about family” just because I didn’t attend a relative’s birthday dinner. She knows fully well I had to work late and I explained that to everybody. Instead of understanding, she used it as one more chance to make me look bad. She even made a slick comment about how I should “get my life more together,” and trust me, that cut deep. My mother stayed quiet, but the whole thing left a sour feeling in the room.
Now I feel like my own sister di try style me just because she’s dating someone who comes from money. It’s like she’s trying to level up her life and push me to the side at the same time. I miss the sister who used to have my back, not this version who seems more interested in impressing people and tearing me down. /s/ Feeling Hurt
Dear Feeling Hurt,
Listen, my friend… people don’t usually change overnight. What you’re seeing is someone trying so hard to fit into a world she secretly feels insecure in, she’s forgetting the world that raised her.
That criticism, that picking apart of everything you do that’s not confidence. That’s someone trying to hide the cracks in their own foundation. When people feel small on the inside, they start making others feel smaller so they can stand taller.
And running to your mom? That wasn’t about the dinner. That was her trying to make herself look like “the responsible one” now that she’s with Mr. Fancy Lifestyle. But truth be told, people who are really secure don’t need to perform. They don’t need to put down their sister to feel important.
You’re not losing your sister… you’re just watching her go through a phase she’ll eventually wake up from. Keep your boundaries up, keep your heart soft, and meet her from a distance where her judgments can’t bruise you.
When the performance tires her out, and it will, she’ll remember who always held her with love, not competition. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and everything is great except for one problem that’s starting to drive me crazy. Every time we go out, he gets way too friendly with other women. Touching their arms, whispering jokes, and acting like he single. When I call him out, he says I’m “da nothin” and that it’s just how he is. But the worst part is that a few of these women have pulled me aside and told me he’s been messaging them. He swears they’re lying, but I’ve seen how he acts. I love him, but I’m starting to feel like the fool. Am I being insecure, or is he really crossing the line? /s/ Feeling Played
Dear Feeling Played,
Let’s call things by their true name. A man who respects his woman does not act like a community comedian touching up strangers and whispering sweet nothings like he free for hire.
You’re not insecure, you’re uncomfortable because something real is off.
And when other women start warning you? That’s not jealousy. That’s sisterhood. Women don’t risk the drama unless they see a man behaving out of bounds.
He’s crossing the line, and not just with his hands with his disrespect. Saying “da nothin”? My friend, that phrase is Belizean for “I know exactly what I’m doing, but I don’t want you to call me out.”
Here’s your truth:
You’re not the fool. The only foolish thing would be pretending you don’t see what’s right in front of you.
You deserve a man who makes you feel chosen, not challenged. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I have a friend I’ve known for years, but lately she only reaches out when she needs something. A ride, a quick online transfer loan, babysitting, or some form of HELP. When I say no, she gets offended and tells people I’m “acting brand new.” I don’t want to lose the friendship, but I’m exhausted from always giving and never receiving. I feel guilty setting boundaries, but I also feel used. How do I tell her the friendship feels one-sided without hurting her? /s/ Draining Friendship
Dear Draining Friendship,
You’re pouring into a cup that never once pours back. Anyone would feel tired.
Sometimes friendships don’t break they simply stretch until you realize you’re the only one holding the rubber band. And when you stop stretching? It snaps back and hits you, and somehow you become the bad guy.
Here’s the gentle truth:
Boundaries don’t hurt real friends. They only expose the ones who were there for what they could take, not what they could share.
You don’t even need a big explanation. Something simple, soft, and honest like:
“Sis, I love you, but I can’t always be the one saving the day. I need our friendship to feel balanced.”
If she gets upset? That tells you exactly what role you played in her life and it wasn’t “friend.”
Release the guilt. Keep the honesty. Protect your peace. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
