Dear Doctor Love,
My husband has developed a habit of stopping at the bar almost every evening after work. He says it is just to relax with his friends, but sometimes he does not come home until late and our kids are already sleeping so they barely get to see him during school days. I am tired of arguing about it and I feel like we are drifting apart. How do I get him to see that it is affecting our family? /s/ Husband and the bar
Dear Husband and the Bar,
Let me tell you nothing grows in the dark. Not marriages, not kids’ relationships with their dad, not even your peace of mind. Right now, your husband thinks he’s just unwinding, but what he doesn’t realize is that the tab he’s running up isn’t at the bar… it’s at home.
You don’t need to argue with him. Arguments make people defend their habits. What you do need is one heartfelt, calm conversation. Something like, “Babe, I’m not angry I’m lonely. And the kids miss you. This isn’t about control; it’s about wanting you here with us.” Say it once, clear and soft, like placing a stone in his hand and letting him feel its weight.
Then make space for him to respond. Don’t attack, don’t accuse just share your truth. Most people don’t change because you yell at them. They change when they finally understand what their absence costs.
And if he still doesn’t hear you? Then you decide what you need to feel supported and connected. Your happiness matters too. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My boyfriend of a little under one year is pressuring me to let him move in because rent is expensive in San Pedro and he says it would “only make sense.” The thing is, I enjoy my own space and I am honestly not sure if we are ready for that step. He keeps telling me that if I love him I would do it. I do love him, but I also love peace and comfort in my own home. I also think that it’s still early on in our relationship, it’s not like we have talked about a future further than just being boyfriend and girlfriend. Am I being selfish or should I stand my ground? /s/ Unsure
Dear Unsure,
Listen your home is your sanctuary. If letting someone move in feels like squeezing a whole extra person into your lungs, then your body has already answered the question for you.
You’re not selfish. You’re self-aware. And that’s a gift.
A man who says “If you love me, you’d do this” is skipping over something important: If he loved you, he’d respect your pace. Moving in together should feel like a shared step, not a shove. And “rent expensive” isn’t a reason to merge lives. That’s how people end up living together out of convenience, not commitment.
You’re allowed to say, “I’m not ready.” You’re allowed to enjoy your peace. You’re allowed to move in together only when it feels like you’re building something not patching a financial leak.
Your boundary is not a rejection of him. It’s a protection of you. Hold it proudly. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My daughter is only 20 and recently started going out with a foreign man almost twice her age who has been living in San Pedro a few months. She swears he is “nice and respectful,” but something about the whole thing just worries me, especially seeing so many young girls getting caught up with older tourists. She gets defensive every time I ask questions. How do I talk to her without pushing her away? /s/ Age Gap
Dear Age Gap,
You’re a mother your worry is love wearing armor. But your daughter is at the age where the more tightly you grip, the faster she’ll slip through your fingers.
Here’s the tricky thing: if you go at this head-on, she’s going to protect the relationship out of pride, not passion. So instead, you’ve got to shift the conversation away from him and toward her.
Try something like, “I’m not judging your relationship. I just want to understand what you see in him so I can get to know this part of your life too.” When she doesn’t feel attacked, she’ll open up.
Then listen really listen. Not for clues, not for slips, but for her heart.
And remember: young adults learn more from feeling safe with you than from feeling policed by you. When she trusts you, she’ll tell you more. And when she tells you more, you’ll know what guidance she actually needs.
You can’t pick her path. But you can stay close enough that she reaches for your hand if the road gets rough. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
