Dr Love: Could she be using their son to get him back?

Sunday, April 14th, 2013

Dear Doctor Love,

My husband has a twenty-six year-old son by a previous marriage. Since the boy was eight years old the only contact my husband has had with him has been child support payments to the mother up until he was eighteen. This is because the ex moved three thousand miles from California to North Carolina. Then she told lies to the court saying he was a possible kidnapper to keep him from visiting the boy. My husband finally gave up.

She recently found my husband on Facebook and made contact with him. She is trying to set up some way that the father and son can meet and get to know each other. She admits that everything she did was wrong and says she wants to try to make things up if she can.

I think it would be good for him to get with his son but the ex-wife worries me. I’ve seen some of her emails and it is clear that she still has feelings for my husband. She spends a lot of time apologizing and remembering the time they spent together. He responds to her to a degree but I admit he doesn’t go overboard with it. He seems to have feelings for her but not in a romantic way. Is this something I should be worried about? Should I take steps to discourage it?

/s/ The Now Wife

Dr-Love

Dear Now,

Even after nearly thirty years it is impossible to deny that a relationship ever took place. Think about it: When a couple has a child together they had to have at least that one happy moment when the child was conceived. Truthfully, they might have had many happy times before things started going downhill. If people do have good memories you might as well let them keep them. After all, they are only remembrances and can never be re-enacted. Don’t worry about it.

The most important consideration in all of this is the child. Even though he is a grown man now, it is important to him to know his father and to have some kind of contact with him. There are many troubled people in the world who blame the source of their trouble as having never known their father. The jails are full of them. Of course, in some cases, it works the opposite way. Some people overcome this obstacle by working harder to make up for what they feel is missing.

The main thing is that both types of people feel that something is missing from their life that other people have and take for granted. By all means, encourage your husband to get close to his son. He is the only true father the boy will ever have.

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