Wolfe’s Woofers: Curses and Cures

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

“I’ve been taking medicine to get rid of this gout but it’s not working,” Casey said. “I’m thinking about going to have to see one of those bush doctors. Maybe he’ll make me up a spell or something.”
“I don’t believe in any of that witchcraft stuff,” I said.
Ed was sitting one barstool over from me at BC’s.
He said, “You should believe. Sometimes that stuff works. I don’t know if it will get rid of gout but it helped me get rid of my second wife.”
“Did you get a spell cast to make her disappear?” I asked.
“No. It doesn’t work that way,” Ed said. “I went to the bush doctor and told him I needed to get rid of a curse that I had been living with for almost ten years. He asked me who put the curse on me and I told him it was a little old man up in Canada. The bush doctor said he could get rid of the curse for twenty dollars Belize.”
“That’s a lot cheaper than gout medicine,” Casey said.
“The bush doctor wanted to know the exact words used to put the curse on me and of course I remembered them as plain as day.”
“What were they?” I asked.
“I now pronounce you man and wife,” Ed said. “The bush doctor told me that would cost me an extra ten dollars because that kind of curse is one of the hardest to cure.”
“Was she gone when you got home,” I asked.
“No. That’s not the way magic works,” Ed told me. “The bush doctor told me to go home and within two days I would say the magic words that would get her out of my life.”
“I take it that it worked,” Casey said.
“I went back home to Canada where my wife was packing to come down here to Belize with me. She had just come out of the shower and was standing and looking at herself in a full length mirror. She said, ‘Eddy, I’m getting a new bathing suit for my trip to Belize. Help me decide whether to get a bikini or an all-in-one.’ That’s when the magic words just tumbled out of my mouth.”
“What did you say?” Casey asked.
“I said, ‘Woman, you’d better get a bikini because you ain’t never going to get at all in one!'”

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