Dear Doctor Love,
Lately, all over social media and even on the news, I keep hearing people say, “If he hits you, just leave.” Every time I hear it, my chest tightens because people really don’t understand how hard that is. Leaving sounds simple when you’re not the one living it. They don’t see the fear that builds up every day, the way you get isolated from friends, or how embarrassed you feel when everyone’s talking about “those women who stay.” Some of us stay because we don’t have family to run to, or because we have kids and nowhere safe to go. Some stay because they’re still hoping the person they love will change, even though deep down they know better. When I finally left, it wasn’t like a movie ending. I felt scared, broke, and guilty, like I had failed somehow. People say, “You’re strong, you’re free,” but healing is a long road. I wish more Belizeans would understand that domestic violence isn’t just about bruises, it’s about control, fear, and survival. How do I start forgiving myself and stop feeling like I’m still trapped by something that’s finally over? /s/ Domestic Violence Survivor
Dear Survivor,
You’ve already done something most people never find the strength to do you got out. That was the mountain, love. The rest of this road is where you learn how to walk again without fear in your body.
Forgiveness starts with truth. You didn’t stay because you were weak. You stayed because you were surviving in the only way you could. You left when you were ready not when people thought you should. That’s strength, even if it didn’t feel that way.
You’re still healing because your heart hasn’t caught up to your freedom yet. That takes time. Some days you’ll feel light, other days the past will still whisper. When that happens, don’t fight it. Just breathe and remind yourself, “That was then. I am safe now.”
Start giving yourself small kindnesses. Sit in the sun. Make something with your hands. Talk to someone who understands another survivor, a counselor, a friend who listens more than they speak. Healing isn’t loud; it’s gentle and patient.
And please remember this you don’t owe anyone a perfect recovery. You just owe yourself peace, one quiet moment at a time. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My younger sister works at a beach bar, and lately I’ve noticed she’s been drinking more while she’s on the job. She says it’s “part of the vibe” and that all the tourists buy her shots. Last weekend she didn’t show up for our family lunch because she said she was “too tired,” but I heard she was out partying again the night before. My parents think I’m overreacting, but I’m worried she’s heading down a bad road. Should I confront her or just let her learn the hard way? /s/ Big Sis
Dear Big Sis,
I can feel the love in your words and the fear too. It’s hard watching someone you care about walk toward trouble with a smile on their face.
Your sister’s world right now is loud and full of lights. It’s easy to get swept up in that rhythm, especially when people are cheering you on with free shots. What she doesn’t see yet is the slow pull that comes after the exhaustion, the emptiness, the blurry line between fun and escape.
Don’t go at her with judgment; go with love. Pick a quiet time and speak from your heart. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you’re worried, not angry. You can’t control her choices, but you can keep the door open for when she’s ready to talk.
And keep being the steady one in her life — the one who remembers who she is when she forgets. Sometimes, that’s what brings a person back. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My best friend and I decided to rent a small apartment together six months ago to save money. At first, it was perfect, we split bills, we both work at different schedules, so we are never in each other’s way. But lately, things have changed. She’s been paying her half of the rent late, leaving dirty dishes everywhere, and bringing her boyfriend over almost every night. I feel like I’m living with two people instead of one, and the tension is getting real. It’s gotten to the point where I just want my own place, but I honestly can’t find something in my budget. How do I address this? /s/ Sharing rent
Dear Sharing Rent,
Living with someone you love as a friend can be a beautiful thing — until daily life starts testing that friendship. What you’re feeling isn’t wrong; it’s a sign that something’s out of balance.
When home stops feeling peaceful, it’s time to talk not to fight, but to reset. Find a calm moment and speak gently, but truthfully. Let her know how the late rent, the dishes, and the constant company make you feel. You don’t need to attack just describe what life has become and what you need it to be.
Friendships survive truth better than silence. Silence grows resentment; honesty clears it. Maybe she’ll adjust, maybe she won’t but you’ll know you handled it with grace.
And even if you can’t move out just yet, start planning. Save a little each week, even if it’s just lunch money. Having a plan for your own space brings peace to the space you’re in.
You’re learning one of life’s great lessons: love your people, but protect your peace. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
