Doctor Love, I really love my boyfriend, but I swear he drinks too much. When he’s sober he’s sweet and hardworking, but once he starts drinking with the boys, he turns into a different person. He gets loud, jealous, and embarrassing. I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t want to live like this either. How do I talk to him without it turning into an argument? /s/ He loves the rum too
Dear He loves the rum too,
You love your boyfriend, but when the rum hits, it’s like a switch flips.
Sorry to be the one to tell you the drunk version is still him. Rum just loosens the leash.
Don’t talk to him in the middle of it. Not when he’s tipsy. Not the morning after when he’s defensive. Pick a calm day and keep it simple.
“I love you. But I don’t like who you become when you drink like that. It makes me uncomfortable.”
That’s it. No lecture. No label. No threat.
If he cares, he’ll sit with it. If he laughs it off or says you’re too sensitive, that’s your answer too.
You can love a man and still refuse the chaos that comes with him.
Peace is expensive. Don’t trade yours for rum. /s/ Dr Love.
Dear Doctor Love,
I need some real advice because my mind is all over the place. The other day I was checking something on my partner’s phone (not even to snoop, just something simple), and I ended up seeing messages and money transfers to a woman I don’t know. At first, I thought maybe it was family or someone from work, but the name wasn’t familiar at all.
When I confronted him about it, he got defensive and said she’s “just a friend” and that she needed help with something. He said it wasn’t a big deal and that I was overreacting. But what really has me upset is the fact that he never mentioned her before and he clearly wasn’t planning to tell me. If it was innocent, why keep it hidden?
Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m wondering if he’s supporting someone else behind my back, or if he has feelings for her. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I also don’t want to be naive and ignore red flags. It’s making me question everything, and I feel like I can’t fully trust him anymore. /s/ Sending Money to a Friend
Dear Sending Money to a Friend,
You found messages and money being sent to a woman you’ve never heard of and now your stomach won’t settle.
You’re not crazy. Hidden things feel bad because they are hidden.
If it was truly nothing, he would’ve mentioned her in passing. “Hey, I helped a friend with something.” That’s normal. Secrecy is what makes it ugly.
When you asked, he got defensive and said you’re overreacting. That’s not reassuring. That’s dodging.
Here’s what you do: slow down. Don’t accuse. Just say, “I don’t like surprises like this. I need honesty to feel safe.”
Then watch him. Not what he says in the moment what he does after.
Trust isn’t about big speeches. It’s about steady behavior.
Your gut doesn’t scream for no reason. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love, I am writing this because Carnaval is right around the corner and it has got me thinking about this once again. My girlfriend is a good person, but once it’s Carnival season or there’s a big party, she turns into a different person. She dances on everybody, drinks too much, and disappears with her friends. If I complain, she says I’m trying to control her fun. I don’t want to be jealous, but I want respect. How do couples handle party season without drama? /s/ Partying Girlfriend
Dear Partying Girlfriend,
Carnaval hasn’t even started and you’re already tired.
Listen fun is fine. Dancing on the streets is fine. But respect doesn’t take a holiday.
This isn’t about control. It’s about boundaries. If her version of fun leaves you feeling small, that matters.
Talk to her before the music starts. Not accusing. Just real.
“I don’t want to stop you from enjoying yourself. I just don’t want to feel embarrassed or ignored.”
If she hears you, she’ll adjust a little. If she says you’re trying to cage her, then maybe your values around respect don’t match.
Party season shows you who people are when the lights are low and the music loud.
Pay attention. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
