Doctor Love: A confusing kind of crush

Sunday, September 29th, 2019

Readers email your question to [email protected] Your letters are edited solely for grammar, spelling, and length.

Dear Doctor Love,
I have really fallen for my good friend, a girl I know is single, but she’s straight. The reason I can’t get over her is because she knows I’m gay, but I feel like she’s flirting with me when we go out. I would hate to miss an opportunity to be a part of her life if she’s interested.
I haven’t tried to get closer because I’ve misread the signs before and there was so much drama and hurt. I lost a very good friend, and I can’t go through that again. Can you offer any advice?
/s/Straight Girl Crush

Dear Crush,
If you take sexual orientation out of the situation, you are left with one person who has feelings for another and is uncertain if they are reciprocated. It happens all the time in the straight dating community. A guy sees a girl he wants to date, and he asks her out. If she says no, it’s no harm, no foul. He simply tries again to find his perfect partner.
You have more of a hurdle to overcome. You know that making your feelings known can potentially drive a wedge into a friendship, and unless she is openly questioning her sexuality, you are wise to be cautious.
Ask yourself if you are willing to risk the friendship to find out if a long-shot fantasy could become a reality? If she’s just a flirty girl and you’ve totally misread the signs, can your friendship survive with a smile and an “I’m flattered, no offense taken” sort of response?
You know her, has she ever given any serious, sober indication that she is questioning her own sexuality or is she experimenting after a few cocktails and a night of dancing? You are a gay woman, confident in your sexuality and you are not on the fence. Are you ready for her seeming flirtations to be curiosity without commitment? She knows you are gay. If she were interested in a relationship, why hasn’t she approached you?
These questions aren’t meant to be cruel or unkind. Being honest could save you from heartache and embarrassment. You have been here before, and you got hurt. Wouldn’t it be easier to just move along and tell yourself this is an unrealistic dream? She is straight—it’s not a matter of winning her over, it’s a much deeper personal thing.
So, do you give up yet? No? Good! Life is short, and it’s amazing, zany and wildly nuts. Invite her for sushi and at least find out if crossing over has crossed her mind before walking away.

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