Wolfe’s Woofers: Weird People

Sunday, July 14th, 2013

“Here, let me give you a hand with that,” I said, reaching for a microphone stand.

“Please don’t,” Sherry said. “All you do is get in the way. Go sit down and let me and David handle setting up the equipment.”

We were setting up for our Friday afternoon gig on the dock at Wet Willy’s. I took a seat at a table and watched the kids swimming around the dock.

After a few minutes Sherry called, “Hey, you can make yourself useful by getting us something to drink. It’s hot out here.”

“Two bottles of water and an iced tea,” I told Cookie..

“People sure are weird,” Cookie said, as he set my drinks on the bar.

“Who? Me?”

“No,” Cookie said. “Watch that tourist at the table with the little dog.”

The man had a little Chihuahua sitting on a stool next to him. On his table he had a huge Daiquiri with a little umbrella in it. He removed the umbrella and took a big drink of the daiquiri and put the umbrella back. Then he picked up the little dog, raised his tail and kissed him right on the butt.

“Whoa!” I said. “That’s nasty.”

Soon, the man took another gulp of his drink and kissed the dog’s butt again. Then he did it again. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I walked over to his table.

“Sir,” I said. “I know it’s none of my business but I couldn’t help noticing that you seem to be extremely fond of your little dog.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because every time you take some of your drink you kiss your dog’s butt.”

“This is my wife’s dog,” the man said. “I don’t even like him. I kiss his butt because my lips are chapped.”

“And you think kissing that dog’s butt is going to cure your chapped lips?”

He said, “No; but it sure keeps me from licking them.”

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