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Dear Doctor Love,
I have known since puberty that I am attracted to girls but it has taken me almost ten years to accept that being with a man is not my future. I attract guys very easily and I’ve tried to have relationships but it has always felt as though I am trying to force something that isn’t real. With female friends, I am comfortable and relaxed and the only real physical attraction I feel is towards girls. I know I am gay. And I am clueless about being gay. How does a girl get a date with a girl? How do I tell my friends? I’ve accepted it, now where do I go from here?
/s/ Name Withheld
Dear Withheld,
Going on a first date, whether straight or gay, can be awkward and unsettling. You are entering a whole new world of gay romance and it’s understandable that you are nervous.
Finding a partner of the same sex means letting people know you are interested in the same sex, so open the closet door and come out. Your friends may not be as surprised as you might think, and they may have lesbian friends who will know where the hot new meeting place is where you can find like-minded women.
There are social media groups directed at the gay community, so find one in your area and join. Check out the local gay bars and don’t feel uncomfortable going alone, you’ll make friends quickly and nobody will shame you for being solo in a gay bar. That is reserved for the straight single girl
When you meet someone you find interesting, ask her on a proper date and be prepared to pay the tab. Gay dating is just as romantic as straight dating so don’t be afraid to court your love interest with creative evenings out.
Don’t be coy or try to impress by pretending to be something you’re not. Women are very good at spotting fakes so just be sincere. Don’t say you like something just because it interests her.
It may be tempting to tell her all about your failures in the heterosexual world but keep that first date simple and relaxing. Steer the conversation to lighter topics. If she asks, be honest without over-sharing. There will be time to talk about your sexual history later.
Lastly, resist the urge to fall in love immediately. When you’ve finally met someone you can talk with and be yourself, you’ll have the passion and eagerness that accompanies sexual and emotional fulfillment and you’ll be on cloud nine. Slow down, take a breath and enjoy.
