Dear Doctor Love,
Mi man cheat pan me and think he smart. I done catch him red-handed and now he di beg forgiveness. But I noh want that. I want he feel the same kinda pain I feel. What’s the best way fi get back at ah? /s/ Petty but Proud
Dear Petty but Proud,
I get it. When someone betrays you like that, it lights a fire in your chest. And you’re not just angry you’re hurt. Deep. The kind of hurt that doesn’t let you sleep right, doesn’t let you eat the same. And now here he is, saying sorry like that’s enough to undo it all. Like he didn’t shake the ground beneath your feet.
Pain is tricky. Wanting him to feel it too is human. But chasing revenge? That usually keeps you stuck in the very place you’re trying to crawl out of. You don’t need to get back at him you need to get free of him. Let him live with what he lost. Let him feel the weight of knowing he had someone solid and threw it away.
Healing is the kind of revenge that actually works. It’s quiet. It’s slow. But it’s powerful. And it turns you into someone even he wouldn’t recognize someone stronger, clearer, and so far above his level that you wouldn’t even take his call.
Choose peace. That’s the move. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I go to a certain church in the south area of San Pedro every Sunday. Lately, people been whispering that our pastor’s wife is having a “special friendship” with a man from the mainland who only comes to church once a month. They say they saw them at a hotel in Belize City together, twice!
Now I’m no gossiper, but I also feel it’s wrong if the rumors true. The pastor always preaching about marriage, truth, and family values. I don’t want to judge, but part of me feels like someone needs to say something before things get worse. Should I talk to her? Should I bring it up to the pastor? Or just stay outta it like my husband keeps telling me? /s/ Conflicted Church Goer
Dear Conflicted,
This is one of those situations where your heart wants to do the right thing, but your head knows it could go very, very wrong. And that tension you’re feeling? It’s valid. You care about the truth. You care about what your church stands for. But you also don’t want to become part of something messy and painful if you don’t really know what’s going on.
Unless you saw it for yourself not heard it, not got it secondhand you don’t have solid ground to stand on. And stepping into it with guesses or gossip, even if your intention is good, could wreck lives.
Sometimes, the most respectful thing you can do is step back. If something’s real, it will come to the surface without your help. Truth always finds its way. And if the rumors aren’t true, staying quiet saves someone from unnecessary damage.
Your husband might be onto something. Staying out of it isn’t cowardly it can actually be kind. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I’ve been in this relationship for four years now, and lately I feel like I’m the only one trying. My boyfriend doesn’t help around the house, we barely talk unless I start the conversation, and every time I bring up how I feel, he tells me I’m overthinking. I don’t want to throw away the years we’ve spent together, but I also don’t want to stay if this is what forever looks like. How do you know when it’s just a rough patch… and when it’s time to give up? /s/ Tired and Torn
Dear Tired and Torn,
That’s a heavy kind of lonely being in a relationship and still feeling like you’re doing it all on your own. I hear you. And I know how easy it is to second-guess yourself when someone keeps telling you you’re “overthinking.” But let me tell you something straight: if it feels off to you, it is off. You’re not crazy. You’re not needy. You’re aware.
There’s a difference between a rough patch and a dead-end. In a rough patch, both people still care. They still show up. They try. It may be messy, but there’s effort on both sides. If you’re the only one lifting, only one reaching out, only one bringing up the hard stuff then you’re not in a partnership. You’re in a one-person project.
You don’t need to throw everything away today. But you do need to be honest with yourself. Ask: if nothing ever changed, could I live with this version of him and this version of us forever?
If the answer makes your chest tighten… then you already know.
With love, /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
