Wolfe’s Woofer: Marriage Secret
Sunday, April 19th, 2015
“Hey, Tom,” I said. “What are you doing all dressed up?”
“I’m going to an anniversary party,” Tom Vidrine said. “A friend of mine from Louisiana is celebrating his twenty-fifth year of marriage with a Belize vacation.”
“Twenty-five years!” I said. “That is amazing. What do you suppose is the secret of staying married for that long?”
“I know exactly what Robert’s secret is,” Tom said. “I was there at the wedding.”
He told me the story.
The wedding took place in Baton Rouge, deep in the heart of southern Louisiana. It was a very glamorous affair with the bride and groom arriving in a horse drawn carriage. After the ceremony the couple climbed aboard the carriage to head off to the honeymoon.
“Giddy up!” Robert said, as he slapped the horse with the reins. “Giddy up, Bessie! Giddy up!”
No matter what he did the horse would not budge. Robert’s new wife, Julia, said, “Let me give it a try.”
She slapped the horse with the reins and said, “Let’s go, Bessie!”
The horse didn’t budge.
“All right. That’s one,” Julia said. “Giddy up, Bessie.”
The horse stood still and Julia said, “That’s two. Now, move!”
When the horse still did not move Julia walked around to the front of the horse. She took a revolver from her purse and shot the horse right in the ear. It fell down dead.
“Oh, my God!” Robert said, as he leaped from the carriage. “What have you done? You shot this rented horse in front of a whole church full of people. Are you crazy?”
“We’ll pay for the horse,” she said. “Now, will you shut up about it?”
“I certainly will not!” he yelled. “I can’t have you . . . .”
Julia said, “O.K. Robert. That’s one.”
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