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Dear Doctor Love,
I started dating my girl after she caught her boyfriend cheating on her. The break-up was bad and she was really hurt so I make sure to be very good to her. The first three months were fun and she always told me how happy she was that I am not like him at all.
A few weeks ago he texted her that he broke up with his girlfriend and he wanted to apologize for the way he treated her. They talked a few times and now everything with my girl and I has changed. She is short tempered and doesn’t want to spend as much time together. She used to be angry about him but now she makes excuses for him and defends him. She has forgotten all the times he cheated on her and how mean he was to her when they broke up and she often mentions things that they used to do together. She says she only wants to be his friend but it seems the more time they spend together, the less she likes me.
The other night she went out with a group of friends and he was with them. She hinted it was just girls and I wouldn’t enjoy myself but it wasn’t, it was guys too. She got angry and said I was being immature when I asked her about it, but I think she didn’t want me there.
Should I be worried that she might get back with him?
/s/Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
You have three months invested with a girl who jumped from a bad break-up into a new relationship without taking the time to work through the hurt and emotions she was feeling. You have barely scratched the surface of getting to know her.
Unfortunately for you, she was not finished with the old relationship before getting with you. Now he has returned, bringing up unresolved feelings that she hasn’t dealt with and you are caught in the storm. Her change in attitude towards you and her newfound ability to make excuses for his actions could signal that she is not over him, despite the way things ended for them. Or it could just be that she is trying to fit him into her life as part of her past and she isn’t handling it very well.
Honesty is the only way to know the truth—tell her you feel there is something changing between the two of you and give her room, to be honest with you. Be prepared, the answer will likely start with; “I really like you but…”
