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Dear Doctor Love,
When I met my girl I told her I wasn’t ready to stay with one girl. She told me that was okay and we hooked up. Now she is jealous about every girl I talk to and saying I am her man. We are in school together and she makes drama for me. I want to keep seeing her but there are other girls I might see, too. Will she change her attitude and just have fun?
/s/A Guy
Dear Guy,
You ask the age-old question of whether or not girls/women are as capable as men are at having casual sex. Do women form attachments easier than guys and can they separate the part of themselves that equates sex with emotional love? There isn’t really a standard answer, except to say, probably not, with some exceptions.
It is generally assumed that after a couple has become sexually active women tend to become more emotionally involved whereas guys are more ready to respond more to the physical act of sex. One of the big factors is the ages of the couple. Young people, such as school-aged teens are less able to separate emotional love from physical love. It’s reinforced in girls from an early age that sex is something she engages in with someone she cares about. So, while your girl honestly thought she could handle casual intimacy, she literally has no control over those feelings of intimacy and love. Detachment has become more difficult. So, when these emotions flare, she gets jealous and drama ensues.
Peer pressure and the way sexually active girls are treated differently than sexually active boys may play a part in the way she reacts to the idea of you being with another girl while you are involved with her.
There have been scientific studies of hormones and the effect they have on emotions and casual sex but without getting into all of that you should accept that it is unlikely that she will change into your ideal booty-call.
You were honest with her from the beginning, so it is difficult for you to understand why she is changing the rules now, but it isn’t as though she lied to you. She didn’t. Be kind and understanding with her, but don’t lie to her. If her behavior continues you may want to distance yourself from her and try to remain friends and let the tensions ease a little.
Be prepared, the day may come when your lust turns into love and the object of your affections doesn’t form an attachment to you and isn’t interested in a relationship.
