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Dear Doctor Love,
I have just turned thirty-five and I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. It is the longest relationship I’ve had, and I’d begun to think we would stay together as life-partners, even if we don’t get married.
The problem started when I told him I wanted a minor plastic surgery procedure. He flat out told me he would leave me if I had any elective surgery—including Botox and fillers. There’s no talking to him about it, no compromise—end of discussion.
I am floored. He likes to look at pretty women and often comments on their faces or bodies, and it is obvious that some of them have had the procedures I am thinking about. So why is he so against it? Does he expect me to just get old and not do anything to combat the signs of aging? He says one surgery will just lead to more and there will come a time when I won’t be the woman he fell in love with.
Is he right to feel this way?
/s/Not Aging Gracefully
Dear Aging Gracefully
Why does your boyfriend need to be right or wrong in the way he feels? He’s been pretty straightforward about his position on the subject, so justified or not, you know his stance and it’s doubtful he’s going to change his mind—end of discussion.
As he doesn’t seem open to dialogue and the only real reason he has given is that you might not be the same person he thinks he knows, it’s easy to conclude that this is a power play, a bid to be in control.
Your body is yours to live with and to modify should you wish, as long as there isn’t a health risk and you choose a surgeon carefully. The decision you make will directly affect your future, so which one can you live without—him or the face and body you desire? Will you be satisfied to let him dictate to you how to grow older or will you grow to resent him as you advance in age?
Do what you want. Don’t ask his approval or understanding. If he leaves then he wasn’t a man you would be happy with for the rest of your life. If he stays, he will have learned a valuable lesson in sharing and compromise.
Dear Doctor Love,
My forty-year-old fiancé calls his mother his best friend and he talks to her about literally everything. Will he stop this once we’re married?
/s/Number One Wife
Dear Wife,
If you marry him, you will marry his mother.
