Thursday, May 30, 2024

Wolfe’s Woofer: Religious Experience

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Dennis-Wolfe-Wolfes-Woofers“Why do you say the last three months have been hard on you?” I asked my friend Roger.
I was in Chetumal, Mexico, the city right across the Belize border. Roger lived in San Pedro years ago and we stayed in touch over the years. Whenever I’m over there I meet him for lunch or drinks.
“Well,” he said, “Among other things my wife left me a couple of months ago.”
“What!? Diane is gone? I thought you two were married for life.”
“So did I.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” I said.
“If that was all it wouldn’t be so bad,” Roger said. “She took the car and most of the bank account. About the only thing she left was that little dog that hates me as much as I hate him. He tries to bite me every time I come near him.”
“You have had it bad.”
“Sometimes I get so depressed that I feel like seeing a psychiatrist. I haven’t found one yet that speaks English well enough and my Spanish is still bad.”
“Have you considered religion?”
He said, “While we were eating I was looking at that sign over there that says. ‘IF YOU NEED HELP CALL ON JESUS 555-2694.’ I think I’ll call and see if I can get some answers.”
The day after I got back to San Pedro I called Roger.
“Did you call that number you wrote down at the restaurant?”
“I did. I left a message with my name and address and said that I needed help.”
“What happened?”
“The next day a Mexican showed up with a shovel, a rake and a Weedwhacker.”

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