Sunday, June 23, 2024

Wolfe’s Woofer: Speak Now


Dennis-Wolfe-Wolfes-Woofers“Mr. Dennis, I would like one favor from you.”
“Sure, Hector. What do you need?”
“Me and Elena we’re getting married this week and I would like for you to come to my wedding.”
The next Sunday I put on a pair of long pants and a clean shirt and went to a little church on the north side of town. I was running a little late.
I walked in as the minister said, “If anyone has any objection to this marriage let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”
The church was completely quiet except for the sound of soft footsteps. Heads turned to look. A beautiful young woman carrying a newborn baby walked slowly toward the minister. Everything stopped and suddenly all hell broke loose.
“Cabron!” Elena yelled, as she slapped Hector across the mouth.
At this Elena’s mother fainted and fell face forward into the baptismal font.
“I gon’ kill you!” Hector’s future father-in-law shouted as the ushers and best man tried to keep him away from Hector. It took four strong young men to hold him back. Others rushed forward to save the future mother-in-law from drowning.
I’ve been married three times myself and played music in the wedding band for several hundred other weddings. This one was by far the most interesting one I had ever been to.
When things quieted down a little the minister asked the woman, “Will you tell us why you came forward, young lady? What do you have to say?”
She said, “We can’t hear in the back of the church.”

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