Wolfe’s Woofer: Suspicious Minds

Sunday, September 15th, 2019

Vernon found me at the restaurant on the beach and ate breakfast while I finished my coffee.
“What happened to you last night?” I asked. “One minute you were shooting pool with me and Mario and all of a sudden at nine-thirty, you disappeared.”
“I went off and got in trouble is what I did,” he said. “I need some advice.”
“Well, at least this time it’s just advice you need and not bail money, too. What happened?”
“I had this feeling for a while that Yolanda been seeing somebody behind my back,” he said. “I didn’t have any reason for thinking it, but I just got one of them suspicious minds.”
“Why are you like that?”
“My first two wives both cheated on me and now I’m always suspicious. Anyways, last night I got the idea to come home early from shooting pool and catch her at it.”
“What happened?”
“I sneaked in the house and go upstairs and peek in the bedroom door. Sure enough, they’s two sets of feets sticking out the sheets. I grab my baseball bat that I keep behind the door and give them both a few good whacks.”
“Then what?”
“I run downstairs with my bat to go out on the porch and catch them coming out of the house. When I open the door to go out Yolanda is coming in with a bag of groceries from the store. She says, ‘Vernon, your ma and pa came to visit so I put them up in our bed. Did you get to say hello to them?’”


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