Wolfe’s Woofer: Crutches

Sunday, October 6th, 2019


“Vernon, what happened to you?” Mario asked.
When Vernon arrived, the Nosénada Social Club paused our weekly pool tournament to check out his new cast and crutches.
“You broke your foot?” Moses asked.
“No, you dummy,” Vernon said. “I just like to walk around with these two pieces of aluminum stuck under my arms and my foot in a cast.”
“You too fat for them skinny little crutches,” Juan said. “You look like an olive with two toothpicks stuck in it.”
“How did it happen?” I asked.
“I jumped out a window.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I had to.”
“O.K,” I said. “Tell us about it.”
Vernon said, “I was so far asleep that I didn’t even know where I was. All of a sudden, I hear this woman call, ‘Oh my God! It’s my husband. Go! Get out of here.’”
Luis said, “Vernon, you don’t ever learn, do you? I remember that time the preacher chased you from his house all the way to the river. It’s a sorry sight to see a fat man running naked through the streets.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Vernon said. “When she said to go, I knew that window was the only way out, so I dove through it and hurt myself. When I look up at the window, there’s Yolanda looking out and laughing at me.”
“What was Yolanda doing there?” Mario asked.
Vernon said, “It was my own house. I said, ‘Woman, why would you do that to your own husband?’ She said, ‘I’ll tell you as soon as you tell me why you jumped.’”


 

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