The other day Coconut Leo came by the studio with a whole bucket of sargassum and asked me, “Belizean, yoh gimme chance fi borrow yoh blender?”
I figured he wanted a smoothie or something, so I said, “Okay.” Next thing I know, he’s outside under the porch, dumping seaweed in my blender like he’s running a soup kitchen.
I asked him, “Leo, what in the world are you going to do with that?”
He grinned and said, “Dis yah liquid gold, man! Ah wah bag it up an’ sell it.”
Sure enough, half an hour later I hear him down the street shouting like the tamales guy:
“Fresh sargassum tonic! Good fi yoh skin, good fi yoh hair, cure yoh hangover, keep ‘way mosquito! Ladies—if yoh rub it pan yoh man, he wah buff an’ tough!”
A tourist lady asked if it really worked, and Leo slapped a soggy handful on his chest and hollered,
“Look at me, baby! Ah 75 an’ still di climb coconut tree!”
The events and characters depicted in Wolfe’s Woofer by Melody S. Wolfe are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The column is intended for satire and entertainment purposes only.
