Doctor Love: Substitute

Sunday, July 19th, 2015

Readers, please send your letters. They can be emails, formal letters or handwritten notes. They are edited solely for grammar and spelling. Also, they are sometimes edited for length.Dr-Love

Dear Doctor Love,
I am in my mid twenties. My girl and I have been together for three years and everything has been going alright for us. We have discussed getting married but we know I need a better job to support us.
My family had a quinceaños party for my sister two months ago and it was a big gathering. One of the guests was one of my father’s friends. He is in his early forties, is very successful and has a lot of money. He looked my girlfriend up online and started having conversations with her. Soon, he asked her out to dinner as just friends and she went with him twice before I found out. I was very upset because I felt that by not telling me it was the same as lying about it. I felt this way even more so when she did it a third time and she lied about it. She said she didn’t want to tell me because she thought I would be upset.
Is it wrong of me to feel so angry about this? She said she only goes because I can’t take her out to nice places like he can and she is just using him as a substitute. Besides, according to her they are still just friends, nothing more.
I hate drama. How can I handle this to avoid drama?
/s/ #2

Dear #2,
When two people are committed to each other, there is no room for substitution. Right now your plan is to get married someday. You will pledge to take each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer. There will be no substitutes then and there is no room for substitutes now. One thing you can bet on is that the only substitute here is you. If he makes a serious play for her you are history.
There is a simple way to handle this that would serve well for many people seeking advice. Why don’t you disappear from her life? It’s as simple as that. Don’t call her. Don’t send her any messages. Avoid her if she tries to contact you. When a woman does not want you there is no point in hanging around to see if she is really sure of it. If she tracks you down, give her an ultimatum to stay away from the other guy. If she cares she will do it and be faithful to you. If she does not do it, you are better off without her.

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